Where is my next destination?

My heart! -

I don’t want to be hypocrite and pretend I am not hurting, I am! I am hurting. I knew from the start that we were bound to end sooner or later, in our case 3 happy years later. However, I am still having difficulty moving on because there are a lot of questions left unanswered and there are a lot of feelings left unresolved. Knowing me I need answers, I need resolutions! I need it bad!

I must admit that I still love him and how’d I wish I stayed within my boundaries of just loving him and not loving him too much. I should have taken his advise of loving him less and loving my self more.. well sometimes (most of the time) I am stubborn. Like right now, I know that I would benefit more from our separation and that it is for my own good more than his BUT I refuse to see that that I’ve compromised my love of self. At this point I asked my self ‘Why?’ and my heart tells me only 2 reasons ‘1) I love him and 2) I don’t want to see his family, his friends and other woman getting hurt (more or less) like I am now’.

The three years that we’ve been together were so beautiful and I want it to stay that way in my heart and mind. This is why I must be strong before he treats me any worst. I would rather be remembered badly for loving too much than hurting the person I love.

He said this once to me and I will say it back to him “thank you for loving me, wanting me and making me feel happy!”

My heart is my next destination.

Published in: on November 19, 2007 at 5:18 pm  Comments (14)  

Emotional Responsibility

Because I love my MM I am emotionaly responsible to him. I feel happy when he is happy, we celebrate! I listen and comfort him when he feels depressed. I am his cheerleader when he feels like giving up. I encourage him to pursue his interests. I find a solution for his problems when he cannot and, if not the least, I fulfill his sexual needs.

I do this selflessly. I make sure he knows I love him.

But do I expect the same things when I NEED them? YES! – I am a mistress but it does not mean I don’t have feelings and it does not mean that he is not emotionaly responsible to me.

In our relationship our usual issue, which has been a cause of our breakups, was his inability to acknowledge my emotional needs. I do not ask anything from him except for him to show his love and care whenever I need it most. Is it too much to ask?

At this point of our relationship I admit that I am insecure and I need an assurance from him, always!

Published in: on September 12, 2007 at 6:15 pm  Comments (16)  

Mistress meets the Wife and Son

Meeting my MM’s wife came in to early in the relationship. We were just on our 8th month when an expected but very painful lost happened. However unfortunate, that paved the way of my meeting everyone in his life including his wife.

I knew better. I knew who I am in his life, I knew where I stand and I knew I wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize our separate lives. So when I went, I came with our common friends and my best friend who is the only person who knows about us for support just in case.

However prepared I was, I still felt so nervous even if I psyched myself that I am a friend and I should not be affected or react to whatever might happen or whoever was there. That was why I’m relived that it was only MM and his sister who were there that morning, yet.

MM and I were in constant communication and knowing everything that happened/is happening made me feel more for him and his lost as if I lost a”real”father-in-law.

Although I was successful being in my behavior trying not to give any hints that MM and I have something going on, I still can’t help but feel the ackwardness in the air. Specially when all of a sudden MM’s wife came in with her side of the family, mom, sisters and MM’s son.

MM greeted his wife with a smack on the lips which I think was just right but I cannot deny that I felt jealous and there was a tiny ouch I felt in my heart but still I remained composed and instead focused my attention to his son who was playing with his toy car.

MM’s son looks very much like his father. He has a lovable face and sweet pouting lips I can’t help but smile seeing him in person.

Then it was time for us to go. I came up to his father and said my prayers when MM’s son grabbed my hand and gestured that I carry him, with MM beside us with a smile on his face.

I love kids specially when the kid is by loving MM’s only son. So when he, son, gestured that I carry him by all means I did and as soon as I lifted him he immediately embraced me put his head on my shoulders and rubbed my back/sqeeze my arms as if saying he approves of me and that he knew I genuinely love his father (all of these with MM beside us, his wife and God knows everyone is looking probably including MM’s father). Despite the ackwardness I felt great more so when MM told me and everyone else that his son rarely go with/to others and that his son might have liked me a lot to even ask me to carry him.

I can say that it was a pleasant meeting them, MM’s sister, in-laws, wife and son. I must also say that I’m proud to have seen his father too, may he rest in peace.

- To fellow mistresses, have you ever met your MM’s wife?

I wish you love!

Published in: on August 9, 2007 at 6:45 am  Comments (10)  

last minute emergency

I’ve just finished a 20 minute phone call with Mr. Married Man. He was checking up on me, on how I am and how my weekend is since we didn’t see each other this weekend as previously planned.

Mr. Married Man on his own words said “I miss you being near (referring to my house) for last minute emergency”. I was like what? he just needs me for emergency? BUT I knew what he mean. All the lying to his wife, family and friends is taking a stall on him, he can’t keep up to it. I really don’t know how to respond to it but say “I’m sorry”.

Published in: on July 8, 2007 at 7:42 am  Comments (4)  

Quench my thirsts

I must say that Mr. Married Man and I are soooo compatible in bed. I always mark my pocket calendar of the days we make love and I must say that sex is getting better and better. To attest to it are my pocket calendars, I have 3 – one for each year of our relationship.

Contrary to what other people say that sex will be less often as the first year of the relationship, ours is different. I count and compare the times we have sex per month per year and gosh we are really getting better hhmmm best in”it”.

Once we went out of town with common friends who do not have a clue about our relationship. During the ride home we were texting each other “I want you” and since we haven’t made love for couple of days we were so excited to get back home. As usual we made an excuse to take a cab together as we live 20 minutes apart but we didn’t as you know went home. We went straight to “the place” were we made great love.

He quenched my thirst for him..

Published in: on June 4, 2007 at 5:21 am  Comments (5)  

No. 1, No. 2 and No. 3

No. 1 is the wife.

No. 2 is the mistress, which I am.

No. 3 is the woman who now makes him happy as I, like No. 1, does not interest him anymore. This girl is now the woman you once were. Vibrant, exciting, no-emotional baggage, non-demanding etc. This is now the woman he lies for with you. This is the woman you want to be again but its too late as you’ve now became No. 1 in essence without knowing it.

You are now the woman who chose to be content with the very little time he wants to spend with you as he has just added one agenda on his list of family, work, friends, interest, No. 3 and No. 2. (in order).

I guess the question is “How can you be No. 3 while being No. 2?”

Published in: on May 27, 2007 at 10:14 pm  Comments (6)  

You don’t trust me..

Our biggest issue is TRUST.

I have to admit that I trust him less because I feel that if he can lie to his wife why can he not lie to me?

Why can he not lie about where he really is at night, or day, when he is not with me?

Why can he not lie about who he’s with?

Why can he not lie about flirting with others?

Why can he not lie about who is flirting with him?

He has been used to lying. I, a mistress, contributes to his being almost perfect with it and that is my issue. Is he also lying to me?

Published in: on May 27, 2007 at 9:26 am  Comments (8)  

Saving all my love for you

This is one of the first songs I knew was very applicable to me.. there are a lot more songs all-throughout our relationship that I compiled and will uploade here one of these days..

by: Whitney Houston

A few stolen moments is all that we share
You’ve got your family, and they need you there
Though I’ve tried to resist, being last on your list
But no other man’s gonna do
So I’m saving all my love for you

It’s not very easy, living all alone
My friends try and tell me, find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
Cause I’d rather be home feeling blue
So I’m saving all my love for you

You used to tell me we’d run away together
Love gives you the right to be free
You said be patient, just wait a little longer
But that’s just an old fantasy

I’ve got to get ready, just a few minutes more
Gonna get that old feeling when you walk through that door
Cause tonight is the night, for feeling alright
We’ll be making love the whole night through
So I’m saving all my love
Yes I’m saving all my love
Yes I’m saving all my love for you

No other woman, is gonna love you more
Cause tonight is the night, that I’m feeling alright
We’ll be making love the whole night through
So I’m saving all my love
Yeah I’m saving all my lovin
Yes I’m saving all my love for you
For you, for you

Published in: on May 26, 2007 at 9:29 am  Comments (1)  

To demand? or Not to demand?

We decided to part ways, again, when we realized that we are demanding to much from each other. That is, I wanted him to be emotionally responsible and Mr. Married Man wanted me to need him less.In a normal relationship, lovers have the right to demand.

In a normal relationship a man should be emotionally responsible. In a normal relationship a man cannot ask a woman to need him less. BUT normal is not the kind of relationship we have and these kinds of demands are not allowed. In the first place we should not demand from our married partner, we should know better. We may however stress our point why, in my case, need him to be emotionally responsible WHEN I need him to, but we should be ready for what ever his response may be.

Remember that wives demand and mistresses demand less.

Published in: on May 3, 2007 at 10:48 pm  Comments (1)  
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