Mistresses, be strong

It is overwhelming to read your posts in our, mistresses, site. Honestly sometimes I do not know how to answer back because in as much as I am very much a mistress and still into this relationship, I do not want to encourage other women or men to pursue being a mistress but neither would I want to discourage women or men to love and be loved, unfortunately with a married partner.
I appreciate your posts and I will do my best to answer asap but if there is one thing I want to share that is, be strong. We choose to love a married partner, we choose to be in this relationship, we choose to suffer all consequences, so be strong.

Published in: on August 1, 2007 at 10:31 am  Comments (22)  

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  1. It is so nice to read a new entry from you! I guess you have been very busy. How are you? I hope you are doing very well and that things between you and your MM are fine. I would just like to make a quick comment on your entry: Be strong! I couldn’t agree more! It is true. I was the one who decided to involve myself in this relationship. I was the one who said that it’s okay to fall in love with this man despite the hitches. And I should be held responsible for whatever pain I am going through and will go through in the future. Being in this relationship has thought me a lot: it has thought me to become more realistic- relationship wise. I have learned to love unconditionally. I have learned to be stronger than ever that sometimes it amazes me. But the most important thing that I have learned was forgiving not just the people who have caused me pain but to forgive myself as well – for the things that I couldn’t control, for the things I should have done, the things I shouldn’t have done, the things I should and shouldn’t have said and for all those other times that I wanted to blame everything that is wrong that has happened in my life to other people when in fact it was me who brought myself in that predicament.

    I am going through tough times right now. And I am so happy and thankful that I have “friends” through this site who I could share my feelings, emotions and fears without being judged or without being criticized for staying with a married man. I am afraid that I have lost myself in him. And the thought of not being with him, is just too much for now. I hope that my partner and I can emerge victorious over this one – but then again I’m not a character in a fairy tale, does that mean I don’t deserve a happy ending?!!!

  2. Yes you do deserve a happy ending because you loved with all your heart. So do I… I’m just not sure , nore have I ever been sure if I would ever see a happy ending. I have loved and continue to love with every ounce of my being for almost 8 years.I didn’t plan to fall in love with a MM, it just happend. But I do love him and always will, and the kicker is he loves me too. But, all his words after so long just go over my head anymore . It is such a shame because we are one in the same. Our lives together IF they would be together… would be like heaven on earth and THAT is what I can not accept living the way that I do. It makes no sense to me anymore. In my heart and in my mind I can not justify loving a MM if there is no future, even IF he has not said there isn’t one… But actions and time speak louder then words, and I am sick of words, no matter how you put them. I love my MM with all of my heart and I don’t know how to live the rest of my days without him. But, I think I better start to find out if I want to have a fullfilling life, one filled with pride dignity and hopefully love again…hopefully…..but no one EVER will be this man…He is and always will be the love of my life, and me to him… we are so happy in our love,you would think that is all that matters, but it’s not to some ….Yes we all deserve a happy ending when we have loved with all of our hearts, but,you take a chance….Life sure isn’t fair..

  3. Hi Patricia and Anna,

    Both of you are example of what a mistress should be – loving but knowing the reality and having the strength to move on. I admire that both of you loves your partner unconditionally. But I respect you more for knowing that this relationship does not promise future or hold any guarantees. When this happened be strong to move on. Don’t look back. Be greatful for the love that you shared with your MM but don’t let it be the end of you.

    This site, as I’ve mention, does not promote or encourage having relationship with a married person, instead this site has now become a source of reality and support to us (man or woman) who are in this kind of relationship.

    To all of us, mistreses (man or woman) if you cannot take the downside of this relationship then STOP and MOVE ON. You have loved and be greatful for it. Now its time for you to love yourself more.

    I wish you love!

  4. I am new to this site and to the “mistess” community. I have fell in love with a MM and can not see my life without him in it. I am loving this man so hard that it is scary. He makes me happy simply because I can be myself. He accepts me and makes every attempt to understand me. Why is life so cruel? I have searched all my life for this man and he is married. I listen to everyone say that this relationship with a MM will not turn out like I want, but how can something that feels so wonderful be so wrong!

  5. Jane, so how long have you been seeing him? What is your life like when you are not with him? Does he talk to you regarding his marriage? and do you believe what he says?. I feel the same way. I think I wrote the same comment about a week ago…….However, I am not in love. I just love the way I feel when I am with him? :))))))

  6. We have known each other for about six months but only within the last 3 have we become intimate. Life when i am not with him is a roller coaster. I think of him often, but we text each other several times during the day and he calls frequently. We work in the same facility but not for the same company so I see him almost every day. We eat lunch, take walks, sneak kisses and engross ourselves in the deepest conversations ever. I have never been so excited to go to work in my life! He is always worried about how I’m feeling and constantly telling me he will do anything in his power to keep me happy. This is the first man that has entered into my life and gives much more than he takes. Our intimacy is out of this world. On several occasions he has come over and all we have done is kiss, listen to music and stare into each others eyes wishing we would have met years ago. I try not to ask to many questions about his marriage because it will only make me sad that I have to share him with someone else. We do talk about his children. He is a wonderful dad. I actually had a chance to meet his 2 yr old. She is adorable. The crazy thing Ms. Johnson is I know deep down that this will end one day. But goodness I hope no time soon. Because I am head over heels in love with my MM.

  7. Im glad that you and your MM are happy. Practically you are still in the honeymoon stage, if i may call it such 🙂 Endulge in the feeling of love and happiness BUT always remember to be strong. Be strong to face all the consequenses. Be strong to still stand tall when everything falls apart.

    I wish you love!

  8. Well mslady u were right. MM and I have gone from sugar to crap in a weeks time. I dont like this feeling that I am having. I never would ever imagine us being in the space we r in right now. I feel as though we will not survive. One mainly because this kind of love is not meant to last. I just hope we can remain friends after. It will be extremely hard because we work in the same facility. I am so sad at this point but I keep remembering what u said. I am going to stand tall and be strong in this time of adversity. Each new day brings new encouragement and greater possibilities.

  9. must be in the air ~

    i am feeling quite down today as well. my guy is missing and silent. of course i will not contact him and am actually now finding myself hoping that he won’t. just so i can start the process of getting over this.

    a good friend of mine, one of the few that know that I have been unfaithful and am involved said that he isn’t mad at me for cheating… my husband deserves it… he says… he is mad at me for not seeing my value. the value to have everything, not half. the fact that i fly to nyc and spend over a thousand dollars, play the good mistress, am not jolted or upset when he has to leave me to go back home (even though he knew I was coming)… i can deal with all that but the silence now, when I truly believed that this last time made things different. why do the statistics always have to be right? why is it that when we are in it we think our situation is different? could they really and truly be using us just for sexual gratification? who can do that?

    i know i will hear from him, eventually. this time i will stay strong and not respond…

    anyone else out there ever have this happen? any idea of why it does??? if i just had an explanation from him either good, bad or otherwise, it would be especially helpful while sorting out these feelings.

    ~ you are right Jane. this love is not meant to last.

  10. i just broke it off with my mm today after 6 months and i am a little sad about it but i will get over it. everything in life is a lesson learned. the reason i couldn’t deal with it anymore was his silence in this last week. i asked him if it was a sign of what was to come and he assured me that we were ok. but i guess i just got fed up of it.I don’t like to feel ignored at least tell me your occupied or we’re not gonna talk but dont lead me on and then leave me in silence… so i am moving on. good luck to all of you ladies out there i hope for the best for you all…

  11. amen. it must be going around. i’m over it too.

    keep in touch, nenachula.

  12. To Stella and Nenachula…I know that breaking up is never an easy thing, but I am glad that you had the strength and courage to go through it. I am glad that you both have decided to move on. I wish you both the best of luck and may you be able to find love in it’s true essence and form. And may you always remember the lessons that you have learned from your relationship with a Married Man. Good Luck and I wish you both the best of what life and love has to offer 🙂

  13. I was looking for a site just like this. I googled “loving a married man” and that did not get me anywhere except people preaching on how you shouldn’t love a married man, blah blah blah blah blah.

    I started seeing my guy beginning of August. He is not married but he has been living with the same woman for 15 years (and her sister). Two italian sisters (not dissing Italians). The sisters’ mom died about 5 years ago and he moved in. Anyway ….

    I suffer from clinical depression and the last two years have been a black hole. I emerged from depression and my libido came back (in full force, I am 43 years old). I went away for the weekend with this man knowing it was just going to be for sex. And I got hooked, big time. Well we have seen each other alot – almost every weekend we go away. Don’t ask — he must have some type of weird relationship with this woman he is living with. I don’t want to ask too many questions becuase I really don’t want to know the answers. He was up front with me from the first saying he is living with someone.

    I love being with him. No I love the feeling I get when I am with him. And the feeling I get when I am away from him — the excitement, the anxiety, the not knowing, very painful — but yet I see it as some sign that at least I am feeling (as opposed to the black hole), some sort of sick pleasure? I cant’ find a balance. Hah – is there anything like balance when you are with a MM?

    I have always had trouble in relationships. I get into one and then I get depressed and get out. I think, no I know, I have commitment issues. I had a very messed up childhood and all this anxiety and highs and lows and trying to “keep this guy” are what feels normal to me. Also, I may add I have been in therapy on and off for 20 years trying to be “normal”, have “normal” relationships. I haven’t changed and I decided I’m going to work with what I have. So in my mind, this is the perfect answer. And yet ….

    I want to be able to live life merrily along without him being in my thoughts, etc. I want to be casual about the whole thing but sometimes I feel like I will die if I don’t get to see him. But sometimes my life does move along contentedly and just knowing I will see him/talk to him some time in the future is enough.

    Just wanted to vent to people who understand. My main thing is nobody can ever really know what a person is like or what a person feels and who is to say that being in a relationship with a MM is the worst most sinful thing in the world? If any body had lived with me in my skin for the past 43 years they too might think this is a good idea.

    Thank you for listening.
    Trying to stay strong!

  14. Hi Nancy,

    I just wanted to write you and let you know, I was listening. And I find myself in the same situation. It is very confusing to love and be happy, Finally…and it “be wrong”. No real answers here. Just can empathize. I wish you peace, happiness, and love.

    Stay strong,

  15. Nancy…I admire your strength in trying to be strong. Just like Karen and the rest of the people in this site – we are all listening….listening with judgment and prejudice. Listening with an open heart and understanding. I agree with you that when you tell people that you are in this kind of relationship – the only reaction you would be getting is pretty much negativity! But rest assured that you can be safe here to free your thoughts and YES…we will listen 🙂

  16. Hello to you all,
    it’s been a while since I have been on this site. good to see that more people have come on board on this support site of us mistresses.anyhow, my MM and I well I haven’t seen him in almost 4months now. I would get the odd phone call or a text message every now and again and we would make plans to see each other but nothing follows through.I have been going through somewhat of a patch- i dont know what to call it exactly but there’ve been days when i felt i needed my man to be right there with me and tell it’s all going to be fine – but he wasnt. It’s true… when a woman in love – you just need to be strong- more so when a mistress in love you have to rely on your own strength to face all and every situation. If your man is there with you- then that’s great but always be ready to go through experiences on your own. I am not angry with my MM- if anything- I just feel love and contentment everytime I think of him. I knew going in that he wasnt mine for keep- we were living on borrowed time. I think about the time we spent together-the lessons learnt-the love we made and it was all beautiful.Which is why, I can now almost 4 months later receive a text or call from my MM and just be happy that he thought of me in that instant – and wanted to know my wellbeing. I do love him, unconditionally so. I now know what love is.I now understand what love is. Love is giving off yourself and not expecting anything in return. Love freely, that’s the best thing anyone can ever do for themselves. Do not cling, just love and accept that-there could come a time that you and your MM/MW may not be together -but whilst you are together-make the best of those moments.. and never ever have regrets-for it is all part of your journey of life.it is all part of your path – instead look to see what it is you learn from the experience.

    I wish you all Love and Happiness…

  17. i am lost..

    i love him (of course MM) madly, he loves me too (well says that he does and it even shows by the way he cares for me), but past few months i have seen things on his ph and in his emails which are disturbing me.

    i really need advice… do men look for change all the time? do they take women as a challenge? or they go out to prove that though they are married they can get any girl they want? is this how this all happens?

    i saw sent message on his ph which were not for me neither for his wife, i saw sent mails in his emails which were not for me neither for his wife and not even for the person he sent text for….is he fooling everyone or is he fooling himself? or is it just a passing flirt with other women for the sake of fun?

    his relationship with me is serious but can those emails and text flirt also turn into serious relationship?

    i guess its my mistake for being inquisitive and curious that i searched his mails and his ph…the less you know the better..

    but i am really disappointed cause i thought i was his best friend and he would share every thing with me…. i thought i gave him enough peace and love that he would not want anyone else…

    i was wrong….

    please advice how to handle this situation.

  18. they tell us often that i have to lie to my family for you but do they realize how much we sacrifice for them…

    i wish they would understand woman’s emotion and love..

  19. hi everyone,,,

    i feel so depressed,,, i just want to vent out my feelings…i feel that my MM loves me..but he’s being so indifferent right now…it drives me crazy…

  20. Well, this sure is crazy, and I never thought I would be looking for advice to hang on to a MM. Recently have been contacted by a MM from my past, way past like 20 years ago, he was 35, I was 20. Had really wonderful times with him then, and he married someone else. Now he comes back around, 20 years later and everything was just as wonderful, if not better than it was before. But I am so afraid of being hurt.

  21. At last I found a site like this. I’m confused and in a roller coaster now. When I read all the stories and everything you posted here,it helps me a lot. We are all in the same boat.

  22. Loving my MM makes me crazy sometimes but not more then when he decided to tell his wife this week about me. We have been together nearly 12 months and the emtions have been extreme to say the least.
    He told me he still loves his wife but he loves me differently or that he is in love with me. They married because she was pregnant even though he didn’t love her then but grew to love her over the many years of marriage.
    This week he finally had enough of her treatment over the last couple of years and told her he thinks they should separate. However the following morning he then told her about me. It was on her birthday dam. When he told me that she knows I was dumbfounded for a moment and he asked me if I was still with him and I said yes.
    The following day he said to her that they should separate because he wants to be with me and be happy. All seemed ok she saw a lawyer but then she thinks she wants to stay.
    Now she wants to meet me as my MM wants us all to live in the same house together with different rooms. She wasn’t happy about this but is thinking about it.
    He has told her if I am not in their home that he will still be seeing me anyway and I will be living in their suburb.
    Tomorrow I am going to spend the day with him in the open while his wife is working and she knows that I will be with him. I can’t go to their home which would be cruel.
    God I don’t know what is going to happen with this situation but I sure as hell don’t want to loose him either, He has told me constantly that I won’t loose him. God all I can do is hope and pray.
    If you have been in this situation, pleaase let me know and what was your outcome.
    Love to all.
    R xxxxx

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