About the Lady Mistress

This blog was in no way intended to encourage women or men to be involved with a married person instead this blog is a site created for mistresses like me who would want to share their feelings with anonymity and hopefully to give support and sense of belonging in the world of mistresses.

Published on April 27, 2007 at 3:11 pm  Comments (119)  

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  1. Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster! You’ll feel elated/let down. Loved/used. Deliriously happy/lonely. Don’t make plans, live for what you have for as long as you can take it. Is it worth it? Only you can answer that.

  2. Very lovely website you’ve started here… and being a mistress myself- the etiquette rules I find them acceptional.

    I never thought that I would ever find myself nor even consider being involved with a married man- but things happen – people grow, circumstances put you where you would never have hoped to find yourself and – before you know it you are “the other woman”…………. What I do appreciate thou is a man who is clean from the onset and tells you his baggage and gives you the opportunity to decide if you are accepting him and his situation or if you would really rather not.

  3. Thanks for visiting my website. Since we mistresses are living a secret life this is a venue for us to freely express our feelings without being known.

    Same here I never imagined myself being one as I was raised with good values and principles but I agree that things just happen. Im sure that is for a great reason which is LOVE.

    Feel free to post here your thoughts about us mistresses to.

    More power to you.

  4. Is it worth being a mistress?

    Good question.

  5. It depends on what your reasons for being a mistress are.. At the moment I find that the relationship works for me… Yes, there’s days when I want him there but unfortunately between work and his family he cant be.BUT.I am a person who absolutely enjoys her space- so – is it worth it being a mistress? I dont know, I however do know that at this point in time in my life the relationship is working for my state of mind and being….

    A persons worth is only determined by themselves…I read something quiet profound recently

    ” The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.
    There can be only one purpose for relationships—and for all of life: to be and to decide Who You Really Are.”

  6. Hey, thanks for the website, I am also involved with a married man. Can’t really say yet to be honest if it’s worth it, it’s been very painful to say the least. I’m going to have a look around your blog. 🙂

  7. It’s always good to find a place to express yourself…. always hard in a very judgemental world.
    Fell in love with a man who happened to be married and neither of us held back… missing him drives me crazy sometimes but we do our best to create more and more space.
    Katherine Hepburn who had a very long affair with Spencer Tracey said that men and women should live next door to each other and maybe that’s why affairs are so intense and fulfilling in many ways because you
    are always both aware of how precious time is and don’t take each other for granted.
    I’ve been married twice but never really loved ….. giving up control and truly loving someone for who they really are and not who you would like them to be is the hardest yet easiest thing that I have ever done !!!

  8. As I was surfing the net, I came across your lovely blog site, and I can’t help but admire your bravery to come out and tell the world that you are indeed someone’s mistress. Just like you, I am also one of those people. I am involved with a married man for over a year now. And yes, I have experienced it all, the roller coaster of emotions, the extreme ups and downs, the feeling of being truly loved and neglected at the same time. Often times I ask myself, why am I doing this? Why am I allowing myself to be emotionally attached with someone who I know won’t be truly mine in the end and come to think of it maybe he wasn’t really mine at all to begin with. Even up to this day, I do not know the answers to my questions. I am hoping that my partner and I would be able to beat the odds of statistics, but then again, a part of me is also aware that we might not. All I know is that I do love me…and just like in one of your entry, maybe I love him too much…I have fallen trap to my own emotions. And maybe just maybe, if I could unlearn this love, instead of telling him I love you so much, maybe I’ll be able to tell him: I love you and that’s enough. Please keep on writing. I would be constantly visiting your site from now on, and I do hope that you won’t mind if I would be posting my comments every now and then. It’s very nice to have someone to share what I am going through.

  9. I’m glad that mistresses like me loves and visits my blog site. Thank you TheOW, Mindy Girl and Paticia. You are very much welcome to visit and posts your experiences and comments too.

  10. I have been involved with a married man for a while now. I was in a 12 yr relationship that ended recently. i am in no means ready for any long term or deep relationship.I met “my friend” at work through a co- worker. He was very attractive and funny. I liked him from the moment i saw him. We talked for a couple of weeks and i saw him a number of times through out the week. I live 40 miles away from him. which is good in a way. so i visit when i can. When we did get intimate it was the best experience i have ever had. i loved it. a phenominal 3 hr experience. I have never regretted my limited time with him or have i ever regretted our intimacy. but i have in the last few weeks been having second thoughts about everything. this “friendship” that i share with him was fullfilling. but now i am feeling the roll a coaster of emotions. I do not love him nor do i feel i would ever love him. but i like him and i enjoy his company. I just dont have anyone to talk to about this because nobody seems to understand what i am going through. I always frowned upon women who do this sort of thing and now look i am one of them. I am the product of this type of relationship and i guess i just always saw it differently…until now.It is very hard to resist him.

  11. I’m a married man, seeing a married woman. Will this relationship survive? your blog made me smile 🙂 thanks!

  12. Hi Jean,
    Its good that we, mistresses, have a male counterpart. I just don’t know how to call a male, married or not, who is involve with a married woman. Or like us mistresses are you called any? Is this the bi-standard of society?
    Anyways, good luck to your relationship! I’m just curious would you like your relationship to survive? For how long? Why?

  13. Half of me says that i should not go on, while the other half insists. At the moment the one insisting seems to be the one in control. Why would I want this to survive? I don’t know the answer to that one. I just do. The challenge for me is getting through the obstacle of not being caught. Remember that in my case the odds are doubled.

    I don’t have anybody to share this with. Can I continue on writing back? thanks!

  14. I can relate to you not being able to share your feeling s with anyone (now that my best friend is abroad) – hence this blog site.

    Sure! You can definitely write back 🙂

    Hhmm I’m sure that you have great times, anecdotes, funny moments etc.. how do you contain yourself to not share it?

  15. Following my heart has historically ended poorly. So now I’ve been with a man for 10 years, married for six, who I simply “chose” as a marriage partner because he was a good solid guy. Very little physical attraction and anything in common, hence a relationship completely void of intimacy. We now have a four year old daughter, though, that I only want the absolute best for. Last year was my 20 year high school reunion and I connected with a man who was barely on my radar during school. We connected with each other. We email frequently about regular every day stuff and flirt incessantly. We’ve only “been together” three times in nearly a year as schedules are extremely difficult to coordinate. Just like choosing my marriage partner, I thought I was going in to this in complete control with my eyes wide open, yet I’m assaulted on a semi-regular basis with totally unexpected feelings and emotions. One of the characteristics I find so attractive in him is his involvement and committment to his family. Ironic, huh? Then I let my feelings get hurt that he doesn’t “risk more” to try and see me. We live about 45 minutes to an hour from each other and work on complete opposite sides of town. I keep telling myself to take it one day at a time and learn to keep my mouth shut when I’m feeling vulnerable. I’d certainly be open to others’ insight.

    By the way, great space here and I’ll visit frequently! So good to learn one isn’t completely alone and that there are “normal” people in similar situations. Remember, the only normal families are the ones you don’t know very well!

  16. Hi! How are you? It’s been quite a while since i was able to visit your blog site, things have been very crazy in my life. I have a question for you? And i hope you don’t mind. Have you ever met the wife of your partner? Do you know how she looks like? Have you guys ever had a confrontation (you and the wife)? If not, have you ever envisioned what it would be like if it ever occurred? I want to hear your take on this. Hope you’d have the time to answer to my questions 🙂 Thanks.

  17. Hello Rayvan,

    It must have been very difficult for you all the more because you are also married. I cant imagine how you feel when you have to supress all emotions like I do, rather, all of us do.

    I cannot agree with you more, that its good to find normal people in similar relationship as ours at least there are people who can understand us.

    I wish you love..

    Ms. Mistress

  18. Hi Patricia!

    My family obligations and work is what keeps me preoccupied right now – thanks for asking.

    Thank you for visiting, my answer to your questions is posted.

    I wish you love..

    Ms. Mistress

  19. 29 th rule:

    make sure to have another sexual encounter in between.believe it or not just having even random sex with another guy can shove your perspectives into another direction.literally speaking it just takes the edge off:) and gives your hormones a break…

  20. This site may save my sanity.

    Why is it that some of us fall deeply in love with the one we can never fully have? Its not the hiding, its not the forbidden….not for me anyway. I’ll have been with my lover 2 years in November. Two of the happiest, most fullfilling years of my life…also two of the most gut wrenchingly painful.

    I dont know what the future holds for me. I have friends and family trying to set me up with this guy and that guy because Ive ‘been on my own too long’ and its ‘time I settled down with someone’, I date occasionally, but no matter how great the guy, they just arent him.

    Gods this life can be so lonely, and there is no one you can talk to about it, no one. But I just cant picture my life without him in it in some way.

    Sometimes I think I must be crazy. I should be so ashamed of myself. But how can you be ashamed of loving someone? I vowed to myself right from the start that Id NEVER come between him and his family. The day I cant accept that his family is No.1 is the day I have to walk away. I will honour that with my last breath. But gods its so hard sometimes.

    Thank you so much for making this site (typing through tears here) from the depths of my heart…thank you.

  21. Hi-

    I have been looking over your site a few times since I first found it a few weeks ago. I wanted to say thank you for having this site. When I first read it, it was nice to see I am not alone in this world of being the mistress.

  22. Just started an affair with a man I’ve known for 12 years, liked for 11, and loved for one. Why now? Perhaps because it’s overdue, perhaps because it’s inevitable. In any case, you’re catching me at the beginning of becoming a mistress. So far, I quite lke it.

    More to follow…

  23. Great blog site… thanks to all for taking the time out to be human and commit thoughts and emotion to the keyboard. I’m the guilty married man in these equations… yep that’s the one.. the one that everyone says cant be happy with one woman… Sorry folks but that’s simply not true. Mindy makes me very happy, loves me like a bunny (which is completely mutual)and I’m very happy simply having her in my life as much as we can. I am open about having had a number of affairs,,, but then I found Mindy… love … at the deepest level… pure joy.
    Despite all the complexities of tandem lives which we’ve all been subject to in these emotional triangles, I cant help but conclude that the joy of love which may appear casual to the uninitiated, but in reality turns into a love that restores your faith in the purpose of existence… is so worth all the difficulties that being together brings.
    But then… I probably would say that wouldn’t I…
    Best wishes and stay lucky… zero

  24. I’ve been wondering why being someone’s mistress is fine now for me and wasn’t been before. Maybe it’s the person involved, maybe it’s where where I’ve found myself in my life, but it seems to make perfect sense.

    I have to say I have a pretty full life: a great daughter, friends, family, rewarding work. Down the line my thinking about this may change, but for me, it seems to fit.

    I like the fun, the sex, the romance, the excitement, the friendship.

    Any other folks out there enjoying being a mistress?

  25. I have written to this site a few months ago. At that time i wasnt sure if i was going to continue seeing my married man. but i cant resist him!!! I am still with him and i am actually moving 40 miles to be closer to him and my family. I enjoy the small amount of time that we do share when we arent able to see each other we phone, text, and email each other.At this point i am not going anywhere… far from what i wrote a few months ago.

  26. I am so indescribably tired of hearing women droan, “I am in love with a man who I can never have”. Please, ladies, have more self worth! I want you to know that this has absolutely nothing to do with YOU or YOUR “inability” to get or have one. If the (married) man you are with is one who you “can’t have”, it is simply because THEY are entrenched in their (even lame-o) marriage — for a variety of possible reasons which they might or might not rationalize openly for you — And they, AND THEY ALONE, have made the decision to operate under a conscious and self serving choice never to leave. I have walked this path, my friends. I even had his baby. And his wife knows about it. It is now three years later after the birth of our baby and he is STILL declaring that I am the love of his life while dragging his feet and lolly gagging with ridiculous excuses and dysfunctional rationalizations about having to “be there in the house” to “neutralize (his wife’s) unhealthy behavior”. Sometimes I wonder if he knows how completely cracked these tired and dumbass excuses are … or if he just likes having great sex and me on a string while not having to give away half of his fortune to the wifey. Bottom line is that I have come to realize that it isn’t that he “can’t” leave. He absolutely, definitely, MOST CERTAINLY. (His attorney even assured him that it is likely that he would get custody of his two children!) He just doesn’t have the balls or the character to do so and simply ELECTS unilaterally not to. I have now wasted nearly five (5) years standing by and loving him unconditionally while trying to support him through “leaving in the way that (he) needs to”. It is such crap! These men will take everything from us and stick around staying married to the one who treats them like poop for as long as we will LET them do it. All the while, she is the one who’ll get his dignity, his support and his pension! My son’s father, the MM in my life, has a wife who now knows about me and the child that we had together. Ever since she found out, he has LET her ride him; and he has LET her manipulate his time and scare him with threats and such. This has translated to fear and extrotion which he himself fuels by not putting his foot down and I blame him as much as I do her for passively allowing all the manipulation. In the name of not catching it from her, he now scrimps on our time together because he does not want to be harassed with questions; his finances because he does not want to get caught (again); and his commitment because he lives with the threat about his two adopted children with her. Fellow OW’s out there, what I am trying to say is that, please, I beg of you, love yourselves enough to realize as I finally have that all the lamenting is poppycock! THEIR inability or perhaps even their overt inaction in staying all miered up in the dysfunction is what keeps them there and thus unavailable. This has nothing to do with any such fact that you CAN’T have him. You are beautiful and brave and strong and you deserve not to have your life dictated my another woman (the one who bears his name) or to be forsaken left and right as it suits him. Blessings to all, and know that YOU matter.

  27. I recently found myself saying I LOVE YOU to her.

    As real and as ture as i may seem…there is one question that lingers….CAN SOMEBODY LOVE TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME?

    What do you feel when he says I LOVE YOU? Please tell me.

  28. Hello Jean,

    Yes its true that you can love two people at the same time its the reason for loving them is what makes the difference, do you agree? 🙂

    When MM first told me love me my reaction was ‘huh?! where did it come from?’I know he was into me and we like each other but ‘I love you’ too early in the courtship stage was unexpected. I cant explain how I felt because ‘I love you’ means that what we have is getting serious, that since im reciprocating the ‘love’ means I love him also, that even if moral values dictates otherwise I am a mistress.

    That was then.

    Now when he say ‘I love you’ – mind you MM says it with all sincerity, modulated voice and a pouting lips after – i relied back with ‘kiss me’ 🙂

    Jean, i hope that you are ready for the consequences of this relationship. i hope that when you said ‘i love you’ you thought about all the things that matters to you. I hope that you mean it when you said ‘i love you’.

    I wish you love!

  29. I hope you don’t mind if I also share my two cents with regards to this topic. Just like Lady Mistress, the first time that my “partner” told me that he loves me, I laughed nervously and told him that I think you have lost your marbles and that you’re just saying that because you are intoxicated by this feeling called “love”. But then he smiled kissed me on my forehead and told me that he will wait for the day that I would be able to say it to him. And true enough, this man who has been married for over 2 years (who claims that it was wrong from the start) never got tired of telling me that he loves me and he would quickly follow it with – don’t worry, I’ll wait for it one day, when you’re ready to tell it to me. Maybe it was because he kept telling it to me or maybe because despite the fact that even though I kept on pushing him back to his wife to no avail or maybe just maybe I myself have lost my marbles as well – I decided to tell him: I LOVE YOU TOO!

    And it felt nice to be able to tell this man who I have loved from the start how I truly feel, but there was fear as well…was it for real, how much does this man love me, what entails this love that we are now sharing.

    As of press time, my partner and I are going through a very rough time – I guess you could say that we are now in the final stretch of this relationship. It’s either we come out of this together – just like what he has told me when he told me he loves me (numerous times). Or he will go back to his wife – the one with no complications. Now that we are in this stage and the things that he and I would be giving up to be together are more real than ever – the true test of being in love has finally started. I wish I could tell you that we will be fine and that we will emerge victorious and that we will be another success story or a mistress who won over the legal wife – but I can’t! All I can do is hope and pray that the words I LOVE YOU will be enough to hold on to.

    When you say it, think of the things that go along with it. Your wife, your family, your kids, your job and even your friends – because in the end when push comes to shove and you’ll realize that because you have said those words to someone else other than your wife, you have technically given up your right to have them and there is a possibility of losing all of them.

    Please don’t get me wrong – I love my partner! He is my life! And I have never regretted loving him back and telling him how much I love him. But I want other people to know it’s not always sugar and spice and everything nice. There is always a price to pay for saying those magic words – it’s up to us if we are up for it.

    Good luck in your relationship….and I hope you’d wish me the same! 🙂

  30. Hi,
    I have visited this site before and left a message,my MM )… sounds odd reading that back because I still find it hard to believe I fell so easily in love with a man who technically “belonged” to someone else!, anyway my married man found this site on my favourites and left a blog which surprised me a litle.

    I read the comments made by “Wisdom finally realised” and it made me so sad to see such sadness and resentment but I do understand her as well,very much so.

    In the end there are three choices aren’t there:

    You finish the relationship

    He finishes the relationship

    You both stay in the relationship accepting who the other is and accepting them for who they are at that exact moment.

    I can honestly say that falling in love with this man of mine has taught me a million things,the main one being to show me that all I thought i knew about relationships and love was totally off the rails.

    I have been married twice and I’m not about to lie on here and say that the girly girl in me doesn’t want my Married man to sweep me into his arms and protect me in everyway possible and to most women marriage does offer the ultimate in protection.

    If you asked my Darling man if he thought that I coped well with him being married to someone else he would honestly say that initially he thought it really didn’t bother me and that he was totally open and honest about having had other relationships outside of his marriage but that he had made his decision that he was unable to leave his wife because in effect she was happy with the marriage the way it was and he was happy with many aspects but still felt
    something was missing.

    He rationalises it with the thinking that if she is happy to carry on with the marriage the way it is and if he creates enough free time to create another loving world with me then it avoids hurting his wife and his children,friends and family.

    Of course as I have grown to love him and we have spent more time together and more importantly time that is cherished and valued because it has to be created,however sometimes I do sit late at night and think the only person getting hurt in this scenario is me and feel frustrated that his wife doesn’t even know or have to deal with the emotions I do.
    However in the sane light of day I would never want anyone to hurt because of my choices either and although it as you learn as you get older relationships are never easy when you have intertwined them for many years.

    It saddens my married man so much to cause anyone hurt but as I say to him,when you love someone and they have to leave for whatever reason it creates a sadness and feeling of loss but mix that into the fact that he leaves to make someone else happy and you head can spin off!

    I love the man I met,I love the man who kissed me on top of a mountain with the warm wind blowing and I love the man who was honest enough to not promise me the moon but continually gives me the stars and I am old enough to realise that love for loves sake is the only thing worth having.

    I am never going to put restrictions on my love, it sometimes appears to me that there are time restictions on my love imposed by others choices but then I always remember that the truth is I have the choice whether to stay within this enviroment or not.

    I will always love this man and I cannot dictate the kind of love I want in return,pure love is self sacrificing and when real cannot be withheld or stopped however much you want to.

    The fact that I can’t stop loving this man ( and that has never happened before!) has been amazingly scary to me because it feels as if you have no control over it,but you cannot force ,manipulate or change love for your own personal goals.

    The freedom of love is simply that “to love” and the rewards take care of themselves.

    I’m so sorry that Wisdom thought that having a baby with her man would change anything,babies don’t but what a wonderful gift of love for her.

    I truly hope that she finds peace in herself and if she feels hurt by this man and let down then then she could maybe try not to blame him or his wife who is probably very scared and feels just as vunerable as wisdom in her own way.

    I think I understand my MM’s wife more than anyone because I love him too.

    Wisdom has all the choices in her mind and rather than feeling sad staying put she should start to make her own choices about what she will and won’t accept and be proud of her choices,I am.

    I’m no saint but I have learned to love myself, it makes every other choice you make a walk in the park.

    Love Mindy Girl XXXXXXXXXX

  31. This response is in reply to Mindy Girl. Your heartfelt comments about your relationship are well taken indeed but you cannot compare and apple to an orange and it appears that a few things are in need of clarification. Firstly, I did not “expect that having a baby with this man would change anything”. That is rather presumptuous of you. MY MM was living with me and planning our marriage while I was unaware that he’d been a habitual cheater and was in fact already married to someone else. He was living alone when we met and we were introduced by a close mutual friend who himself was shocked to ultimately learn about the MMs duplicitous life!

    How new is your relationship? I suspect you are at the beginning, but perhaps this is not so. Regardless, you might well be satisfied by the situation which you are experiencing, and if so then that’s wonderful. All I was saying is that any woman (or man) who’s the dish on the side shouldn’t feel that they aren’t WORTHY of being committed to, or buy any such excuse that their married person (man or woman) CAN’T leave their marriage because they absolutely can if they want to. If your married person keeps you on the side, it isn’t because they can’t leave, it’s because they won’t leave her/him for YOU.

    If you feel like you’re his Mindy Girl and he’s your Mindy Man “who creates some time for you and gives (you) the stars then that’s cool, great for you guys! He tells you to your face that he won’t be leaving his marriage and it’s acceptable to you to be his mistress, then even better! I was not that girl. My circumstances were ENTIRELY different, even when I got pregnant. My man was two-timing us both with double talk and deception. And still is. He’s my son’s father and will always be in my life but I have seen him for his true colors and so has his wife — She’s just not going anywhere because she loves his money and doesn’t need love in her marriage.

    Also, you shared that your Romeo “rationalises it with the thinking that if she (his wife) is happy to carry on with the marriage the way it is and if he creates enough free time to create another loving world with me then it avoids hurting his wife and his children, friends and family”. If you are OK with the fact that he needs whatever his wife provides for him and that he realized that some things are missing which you can help him supply; or that his wife’s “happiness” comes before yours (or equal to yours, or whatever the case may be) then great! You as an informed adult are certainly entitled to make that decision for yourself. Your relationship as it stands, when he makes the time to devote to it and share the stars with you, reportedly gives you everything that you need and, whether you are aware of this or not, even serves to enhance his marriage, so if you’re inclined to be making rationalizations you get the added bonus of knowing that you’re also helping out his wife by doing the good deed of serving to help solidify their marriage, which should reduce some of that awful pressure your poor guy feels about “hurting anyone”.

    I do agree entirely with the comment you expressed that “love for love’s sake is the only thing worth having” — which is so true! Love means different things to different people and all that matters is that those two people feel happy and fulfilled by each other and their levels of commitment given to THEIR relationship.

    My MM’s wife knows the truth and yours doesn’t. How do you think your MM’s wife would take the news? He could tell her if he wanted, just like he could leave, but he elects to protect her. Some women are actually OK with it because they just want to stay married at all costs. My son’s father’s wife has lived through other affairs that he has had. She knows she’s got him by the balls financially and emotionally and his therapist said that it’s like battered husband syndrome — emotionally speaking — (I know because I was there and heard her say it!) but evidently he likes that and it works for them. I’m not looking for Crazy Town, just trying to raise my son with some monocrim of the decency that he deserves. I know the truth about things now, which I did NOT know back then.

    Getting back to your misassessment of my situation, I am NOT judgemental, bitter or disgruntled about grown adults cheating on their marriages with external recreational partners who are willing participants in their muse. I am not in favor of silver tongued deceptiveness (by men or women) who use situations to their satisfaction without having enough decency to consider that the “other” person possesses a 100% entitlement to know the truth — up front — in order to make their own informed decisions about whether to carry on an intimate relationship with them while they are married to somebody else. This is especially true when that married person knows they will be putting their spouse’s needs and or happiness first, requiring you to twist and bend in order to accommodate the primary considerations of their wife (or husband). <> Cheaters, this is most especially true when you are living in someone else’s house and fathering their baby!

    Case in point to all the men and women out there who are the proverbial cherry on your man/woman’s sundae: Be there if you want; when they want you; and be happy! Just know that if it’s not working for you, it isn’t because YOU “can’t” have them … you are a child of God who is worthy of respect and goodness in your life … and it is NEVER ever ever because they CAN’T leave it’s because they elect not to devote themselves to YOU. Wishing you all the happiness and love that you deserve and only YOU can say what makes you happy 🙂

  32. OOPS! Realized after reading through my above post that I left out one verrrrry important word near the very end. The ending of the next to last sentence should read: “…….it is never ever because they can’t leave, it’s because they elect not to devote themselves ENTIRELY to you”. 🙂 Have a nice weekend, All!

  33. Apples and oranges are very different but they are both fruit in the end!
    Men and women are very different but they are both people.
    Please don’t get visions of me being some “Mindy Girl” fairy floating through my relationship without a thought in my head but the stars ……….. my head is just like yours probably floundering around trying to make esnse of feelings and emotional situations that I never ever envisaged I would have to make.
    It is very difficult not to feel hurt when you don’t know the whole truth about any situation that you have become involved with,it is terrifying to feel out of control and it must have felt like a terrible betrayal retrospectively after sharing your life with him to find out there was somebody else.
    I have known my man for four and a half years but I think the point you were trying to make is that I don’t understand the depth of your hurt and I do much more so than many.
    I’m Mindy because that’s my nickname but I’m Amanda in reality,I am strong willed and independent but have come to realise that the feelings of frustration that are in this relationship with my best friend Zero,( funnily enough not his real name !)who happens to be married are more about my fear of loss and less about his personal choices.
    Mwybe just maybe your MM is sitting there looking at your hurt and sadness and is totally confused that the woman who he felt loved him to bits suddenly stopped because their relationship fell outside the moral high ground.
    You loved him before you found out he was married,what’s changed? I’m sure you feel betrayed and it is so frustrating that men do “avoid ” hurting you by not telling you things that they feel may stop you loving them ………….Sometimes that can be so damn frustrating to women.
    Men are men and try as you will to equalise emotions and compare how he should feel now you know the “truth” it is impossible to do.
    I was interested in this line in your blog “My man was two-timing us both with double talk and deception. And still is.” How is that happening?
    It is the hardest thing in the world to really sit and get your feelings right back down to basics,it is also hard to look back at every other relationship you have had in your life and ask yourself if you have followed a similar track.
    I realised that all my previous relationships were about me trying to maintain control of the relationship in some way and that I had never really loved unconditonally because I was too full of fear of losing the other person .. ironically as it turned out, because I discovered that I had never allowed myself to love them anyway to “protect” myself from getting hurt.
    I found a modern version of the Shakespeare quote I used to have on my wall that I loved but never really took on board till my Man kissed me for the first time …..( and no I am not giving myself a “Hollywood” ending whatever you may think … I just Love him and truly believe in whatever fate I choose to follow :

    Sonnet 116
    I hope I may never acknowledge any reason why minds that truly love each other shouldn’t be joined together. Love isn’t really love if it changes when it sees the beloved change or if it disappears when the beloved leaves. Oh no, love is a constant and unchanging light that shines on storms without being shaken; it is the star that guides every wandering boat. And like a star, its value is beyond measure, though its height can be measured. Love is not under time’s power, though time has the power to destroy rosy lips and cheeks. Love does not alter with the passage of brief hours and weeks, but lasts until Doomsday. If I’m wrong about this and can be proven wrong, I never wrote, and no man ever loved.

    I’m no muppet Wisdom and I can see through your heartfelt writing that you aren’t either .. you seem to have thought and thought about every angle and nuance of your relationship with the Father of your little boy but really really does come down to freedom of choice,there is no point in being resentful over other peoples actions or thoughts because you cannot control them.

    As someone said to me the other day “You cannot control the wind. You can adjust your sails …. I’m not trivialsing some of the issues you are having to deal with through no fault of your own but girl just live the way you feel inside your heart and don’t worry or think too much about anbody elses opinion but your own because when it all comes down to dust it’s you that has to live with your life and no other well meaning,opinionated or morally “superior” being.

    Wishing you all the happiness in the world ……..
    Amanda aka Mindy girl !!!

  34. This is an awesome site! Keep up the good work. When I have a few minutes, I’m going to have to stop by and tell my story (I’m somewhat of a mistress having a very deep emotional affair with a married coworker and I’m getting the feeling that it could turn into a physical affair very soon). I’ll keep ya’ll posted!

    -Mystery Woman

  35. Amanda, I love you. Love is a pretty cool thing. I laugh for yes, I realize we can chose as we please,but I also realize Love does as it pleases.
    Love is visiting me and I am an honored hostess.
    Roxanne aka Roxanne

  36. To Wisdom Finally Realized : I salute you for being strong, knowing and fighting for what is due you and I your son.
    I cannot agree with you more that the reason why most of us, mistresses, cannot have our MM (“permanently” like a husband or whatever “have” may mean to you)is because he choose not to leave his picture painted perfect life, all reasons thrown in. This is the honest painful truth every mistresses should know.

    Now being mature as we are it is up to us if we are willing to accept that or not, meaning we have an option to stay or go. Either way, I respect your decision.

    To Amanda : I admire your loving and I’m sure you, you must be, prepared if your current relationship is put into test like all of ours were at one point or another.

    This I learned : Love is a great feeling to experience and share but for us mistresses, if push comes to shoves love should be by no means a reason to cloud the reality of our lives and sound decision, morals and values aside.

    I wish you love!

  37. To wolfshadow,

    I realize that things might have been very difficult for you as it was/is for most of us mistresses but be strong. You have loved and be proud of it but learn to love yourself also so when the its time for you to end it and more on you are still your own person.

    Same as you should the time comes that MM has to choose between me and his family, I would in no way influence him to my favor. If I can help it, that time will never come because I will immediately get out of the picture. I know who I am in his life and I’ve accepted that.

    I wish you love!

  38. A movie trailer kept nagging me…. that in every love story there’e a man, a woman and a wife that comes between them….yes i too am a mistress…. let me share my lil side of the story being on the sideline….
    Call it a Sweet November affair…. i was out of the market for a steady relationship for a year….but no avail….either they’re married or they’re single but just pasing through..so i decided to stop looking for somebody of my own anymore until i met this Married man….
    A sweet sensitive guy whom i’ve mistaken for a single guy….i went out with him…..took pleasure on what we have without asking a thing…. at the back of my mind this is just a temporary affair easing my loneliness…… it ends the moment he steps into the airplane….he came into my life with subtleness of the night breeze thinking that the sunrise will take him away from me too….. how wrong i was….
    before his deparure i learned that mr. sweet guy is very much married…….and my life as a mistress began for he will never let me go….
    memoirs shall be written in my next letter….

  39. 29th rule….
    Never ask the man to leave his wife…. let him figure out what he wants…. if he does not have the guts to leave her for you ….he will never have a few years after….

  40. 29th rule. so true. if you have to ask, it shouldn’t be.

  41. Hello!

    I am currently in a relationship with a married man. We have been together for 2 1/2 years, and now have a baby boy that will be 1 yr old this month.

    We met at work, started as friends, talked about our spouses, problems, etc…. the relationship kept growing and growing. The similarities, things in common that our spouces didn’t have, sexual attractions and passions that we held due to lack of interest from our spouses brought this flame to an uncontrolled stage.

    We had an incredible experience the first time, and as time went by, the sex gets beter and beter. So, that our bodies talk to each other and react to our passion in a way that we still wonder, why not them, and why us?

    We love each other soo much. But we have lives that we just can’t change. Kids and all that will suffer from a big change.

    I don’t mind beging his lover forever! He is worth all the risk as he has showed me what love really is.

  42. November…..
    it never occurred to me that the thing i purposely evaded for the past years that i’ve been separated will come until the moment i am into it deeply…. I came from a conservative famiy where extra-marital affairs are considered a terminal case…..
    I felt so deeply for those children neglected by their fathers because of a woman….i’ve seen my son grow up without a father because of a woman….i’ve been through a lot of emotional and mental stress on the therapies we have to go through for my son developed a psychological disorder because of the trauma….it was so painful to see what my son has to go through every single day of his life…. i made a pact to my self that i would never submit to it at all cost….
    but what about a lonely heart that needs nourishment?…. my case started as a mere physical attraction…. i was lonely and He took me in….then the physical attraction did not waiver… it flourished into something deeper…he touched my heart like no one else did…. my only regret is that i never asked anything though it nagged me…..i trusted my instinct that it will not go any further….. will it?…
    my heart hungers for something he can give …. my body ached for something he can provide….
    November was the happiest time in my life…. i thought knew him well enough….i got crazy over the whirlwind affair…. A week…. that’s all we got…. A blissful week for me to feel loved…the long nights… the dinners…. and the mornings we have to part again to look forward for the night to come that we’ll see each other again…. we can’t keep our hands to ourselves….the lingering looks and the sweet tiny kisses….
    The day he has to leave left me bereft just thinking about it….until the moment the bomb just dropped…..DON’T CALL ME…….(he said)…… i will call you….. Then it hit me hard….I felt the need to ask why… but instead… i just said…. YOU ARE VERY MUCH MARRIED AREN’T you?…..then i just heart my heart crushed with his long sigh….
    I realized that we women, our gratest fault is to trust our own intuition… men are basically deceptive… how they look like and how they acted varies depending on whom are they talking to…. rule of the thumb….. ASK QUESTIONS FIRST….. Never ever assume…..

  43. you are a beautiful writer…. especially this post. speaks to me in many ways….

    it’s amazingly clairvoyant.

    my guy used to ask me to call. i always told him no. i don’t chase men nor do i call them … not ones i am interested in, at least. i am certainly not into developing a relationship that revolves around communicating thru voice mail.

  44. November….. at the airport…

    I watched the plane took off and i knew my heart went with it….as i carried my legs away from the scene… i was heavy hearted…. i kept thinking of what the future may bring… i never knew if how many kids have he got if there’s any….. and the double life that he lived… or if little wifey will be there to welcome him with an embrace tighter than the one i sent off….am i the only one?….. is there somebody else in the same shoes as mine?…. is this the last time that i will see him?…..will i be seeing him again?… will i allow myself to such frivolous indulgence?….so many questions bombarded my thoughts…. and for the next three days i resented the last few days we were together….it tortured me like an ugly scar…three days…. i resisted the thought and the urge of even holding the paper he gave me before he left… a letter…. more like a reminder of the time we were detatached from reality….
    i remember the last thing that he asked of me….he said…..”If i leave, what is that one thing that YOU can promise me?” i can’t believe what i was hearing…. the guy is asking me to commit….i kept silent knowing i can never promise him what he can never give back in return…. but in my heart….in silence…. there will only be him….just him….for as long as it holds us together….it was painful to see him go…. without an assurance of coming back…it will be more painful if i assure him the fidelity which i know he will never keep his…but who am i to expect it from him?….just THE OTHER WOMAN….a woman he just wanted to have….to keep….a woman other than the one he swore to give his name to…. but all this? i resovlved to myself that i will go on with my life … without him….
    and then….. the phone rang…….my beau is calling me at last…..

  45. stella….
    my last post explained why the mere calling would mean risking my neck to get to deeply involve with my beau…which i never did,…. not because it would imply that i’m the one chasing… you see… with us everthing is a mind game….a tactical procedure of who makes the move to pursue a relationship… i have baggages of my own and he too has his… communication is essential in a relationship…. with him i have risked so much… something i never risked giving to anyone in my past…. MY HEART….
    may love be in your heart…..

  46. pinkfairy ~ you just put everything that i feel and am going thru into words. i have come to the realization that whatever we are is a game as well. it often comes down to one line txt messages sent with hidden meaning weighing heavily on every single word.

    in the earliest stages of our relationship, i was annoyed by his lack of desire to communicate with me. i am a pretty extroverted person and he’s just the opposite. however, adjusting to the lack of attention has been the complicated part for me. even in some of my closest relationships it is mainly the others that instigate calls.

    and oh, the mind games … if he is absent for long periods, i withdrawal from him by not responding to his text messages or calls. usually by the third day of ignoring him (or trying to), his persistence becomes overwhelming and i can feel him thinking about me during the day. each time i rationalize as being the last. i have convinced myself that i am over him a thousand times since that cold night i met him last winter. for some reason, i seem to end up returning to his voice. a voice that melts me, gives me butterflies and makes me nervous. a voice that lets me know he wants me without over exaggeration. a calm and intelligent man who wants me as a mistress. a man that told me softly one night that he gets everything he wants. me laughing softly and knowing that he’s probably right. but knowing this going in, i can’t give him my heart but i can share my love with him with the idea in mind that he belongs to someone else.

    i apologize if i insinuated you were chasing. i knew you weren’t. i now understand through your post what you were referring to. the way you have expressed it is incredibly similar to what i feel in my heart.

    please share more. i leave tomorrow to meet my guy. i’m delightfully excited, nervous, scared … it’s for all of these reasons I feel so addicted to this.

  47. stella…
    i believe we all went through the same fate… it comforts us all that we think we are holding the reigns… are we? of course the life of this kind of relationship all depends on the woman…. in the first place we were the one who decided to be in this situation… we alone can can dictate which direction to push through….
    indeed this is a very additive and mind blowing kind of thing… what made us tick is the fact that we are his…. and we are part of the mysterious and glorious double life…..

  48. Being Mistress is my choice I love my lover. He is great
    husband for his wife I just want sharing good guy with
    We had a Great sex everything sound perfectly.

    We never planning anything and I never ask him to leave his wife as long we happy each other good enough. Every women will said this is unfair but for me Love is blind
    he make feel very comfortable.

    Im happy to read this blog and now I knew Mistress should proud because their Beautiful Indepedent and can full fill their Lover need. Is not only sex our charming make them lost their mind.

  49. I feel the same way as others in this site in certain things that are being said like telling myself this is the last time and yet i still manage to pick up the phone when he calls. I try to keep myself busy with in my own life and circle of friends. So that i am not consumed with thinking about him or what he is doing.
    but sometimes its soo hard because he is so charming. But i also keep my distance emotionally because i know that he is married and regardless of whatever happens he still goes home to her.

    there are people that can’t understand why i put myself in this situation. but i guess i have my own reasons. I see my mother broken hearted because of a mistress who has been involved in my moms marriage for 7 yrs and destroyed it very recently. So my mother isn’t happy at my choice. but in the end of the day it is my choice. So as of today i still continue with my mm and though there are days that i am lonely and sad. i find other ways of dealing with it.

  50. It is amazing that all of us can share a common thread in our different situations. I try to accept the way I feel, try not to over rationalize my situation….. To no avail.

    I have recently gotten out of a rotten marriage. This marriage was over way before it got started.

    Due to blind love, I married him and continued with the fantacy in my mind. Now 5 years later. I am a 37yr old single mother of two toddlers. 2yr old and ten month old.

    Yes, I have so craved the true connection and affection of my lover and now that I have it, it seems so strange that he is married. I initally thought to my self before I met him that I wanted to date a married man. I did not want the commitment of a relationship because I needed time to heal…. I did not want the clingyness of a full time man….Re -ajusting my life and raising my boys is my full time responsiblity….

    Now look at me… I have been seing him going on 5 months and the connection we have is unlike any other I have ever experienced. I feel so free, so uninhibited, so supported, if he wasn’t married I probably would have not wanted him thinking he was to good to be true.

    How can I have a connection with this man that I hardly know, how can I be so open, how can I experience so much joy, how can I be so excited to see, talk or text him….. Why me? Why now??….


  51. Great website! So glad that there’s people on here I can relate to. Here’s my story – feedback is appreciated:

    I met this wonderful guy and we dated for 2-3 months. It was one of those instant connections right off the bat. I knew he’d be a keeper for awhile! We didn’t want to rush into anything serious, so we took our time. We both care very much about one another and could see ourselves being in a great relationship together for some time.

    Unfortunately, the guy got trapped from an ex because the ex became pregnant with his kid.(This all happened before he met me but the issue didn’t arise to his attention until after we started seeing one another.) So because of this unexpected pregnancy, he rushed into marriage with the ex because he believes a child should have 2 married parents and he wanted to be able to see his kid on a daily basis and not on weekends alone. (Side note: He only knew his ex for a few months before they got pregnant). He is unhappy about this marriage, his new living conditions, putting up with a stepchild (the ex already had a kid) but he did it anyway. And because of this marriage (obviously) he and I have been forced to remain as JUST friends – until now.

    When I found out he married his ex, I backed off because I didn’t want to be the “other woman” and I was saddened that all my hopes and dreams with this guy went down the drain. We continued to keep in touch, practically on a daily basis, and our friendship was still in tact. It’s obvious we are still attracted to one another and care very much about each other, but this new wife and baby are an obvious road block.

    It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that our conversations have become more sexually charged (which is probably due to the fact that we’ve been wanting to sleep with one another, but never had the chance to). I know that this has been a very deep emotional affair that we have created, but now I think it’s on the verge of becoming a physical affair.

    I’m torn because part of me knows he has not married his wife because he was in love with her or could see himself with her forever, which to me, tells me the marriage is doomed, and makes it easier for me to want to cross that barrier and finally get the chance to be with him, physically. But the other part of me feels terrible that I would even consider being the “other woman” when it could potentially mess up a family (for lack of a better word).

    What would you do if you were me? Hold back and wait for the marriage to crumble so that once it ends up in divorce, I could go in and make my move? Or do I just go through with it now, without holding back, knowing that the marriage will eventually crumble and it’s just a matter of time?

    This is the first time that I have ever been involved with a married man on a level like this and I am torn about what to do. Do I risk feeling guilty and jealous if I go through with this while he is still married? Or do I stay platonic with him and regret not being able to have him physically and live my life always wondering “what if”?

    (Sorry for the novel!)

    Thanks for your support!

  52. You wrote: “This is the first time that I have ever been involved with a married man on a level like this and I am torn about what to do. Do I risk feeling guilty and jealous if I go through with this while he is still married? Or do I stay platonic with him and regret not being able to have him physically and live my life always wondering “what if”?”

    I have had many conversations this summer with married men that have said similar things to this. My advice to them has always been the same…. if you haven’t already, do not cross the line in the sand. Once you cross the line, everything changes… for the good, for the bad… it all becomes very complicated. If you sleep with him your feelings will become far more intense than they are now and at the same time it will never ensure that he will leave her. I do believe that he can love you (and her). I am a married woman involved with a married man. I have tried to leave my husband many many times. There is a certain security that goes along with having a husband/wife there for your children. Is security love? I have been speculating about this question for a long time. I think it can be, a certain kind of love… maybe one that we feel when we are at our parent’s home at the holidays. Safe. However, it isn’t the same kind of passionate, all encompassing kind of love that we get from being with someone new. It is a love of what is constant and unchanging. Do we wish at times the lover could be in that role of spouse? Sure. I do, all the time. I dream of him coming home everyday. Doing things with him on the weekend with my children… would i leave my husband for him? Yes. Would he leave his wife for me? I doubt it. Unfortunately I tend to believe that this same scenario plays out in mistress situations. If you become a mistress, review the etiquette on this site. It is really quite accurate. Saddening, but accurate, never-the-less.

    my married guy and i connected. it wasn’t until the week after we had our connection (non-sexual) that exposed himself as being married although he seemed to know that i was. it took me two months to agree to meet him. this was after i blew a meeting with him off (he flew to see me) and many times of ignoring his calls. i know myself well enough (and was honest with him from the start) that if i get physical with someone, i get attached. the more frequently it becomes, the more attached… right now, in my heart i know that he belongs to her. in my own sick way i respect that… i encourage him to make things right with his wife. that his children and family are more important that doing something that makes us feel better about our dysfunctional lives. as i see it, men are big boys, as we are big girls. they can make decisions and can change their worlds just like we can. i think that most of them are creatures of comfort. they don’t like change… but they do like new.

    hope it helps. good luck and keep us posted.

    if you cross the line in the sand, be prepared for what will unfold inside of your heart. good luck. keep us posted.

  53. Very well said Stella. Any other mistresses who would also like to give Ms. Mystery Woman advice?

  54. I really appreciate the feedback Stella….thanks for your advice! It’s a hard decision to make. The MM and I have talked about it and where we may/may not go, and if the deciding factor had to happen, it would be happening tomorrow. Not sure what I’m gonna do yet. I’ll make sure to come back tomorrow and give you an update. Thanks again!

  55. I would like to wish mystery woman peace of mind and clarity. The journey, should you decide to embark in it, would be a very long road of extremes – from happiness to sadness to everything in between. I would just like to tell you that should you decide to give it a go, make sure that you are really willing to go through it all – half-heartedness would not be enough. And when things get rough and tough, always remeber that you have people in this site who will be willing to listen to your stories and give you their opinions. People who you may not know personally but because of the stories that we have shared – often times it seems as if they are closer than your regular friends for they share a part of you that only you and your MM share. I wish you the best 🙂

  56. you all have no idea how grateful i am to have you here.
    anonymity we share a common bond with something so secret. in a strange way, yes, closer than to my regular friends… without a doubt.

  57. Thank you Patricia! I have thought alot about my situation over the past few months and have very much taken all the adivce from this site into consideration as well.

    To update you all (as I said I would) today, the MM and myself somewhat crossed the line for the first time (physically) since he got married. I feel ok about it – no guilt, no regret, because our entire relationship was built on friendship first and foremost and I know that even if we fool around and even if he decides to one day end it with me for any reason, I know that we both care enough about each other to still want to remain friends.

    We are both very open in our communication about all this and in each step we’ve taken/are about to take, regardless if it’s an emotional or physical affair. I don’t feel there is any miscommunication or wrong assumptions (at least for now and based on our past) because of the fact that we are so open with one another.

    And yes I know, over time things can change. It may not be so good as it is now. Anything is possible! I’ve already had emotional ups and downs with him because of his situation (and not because of him) so it’s something that I am somewhat used to based on my experiance with him so it shouldn’t be as harsh to deal with something like this if it were to happen again in the future. The question is, how much can I tolerate this and for how long? I just don’t know and I don’t think that anyone can guess that (for me or even for yourselves) until you actually go through it and hit your breaking point.

    Thank you all for hearing me out. It’s exactly like Stella said – it’s the people on this site that understand what we go through and not even friends that we’ve had for most of our lives could ever really understand unless they have been in the situation themselves. Unfortunately, not one person I know has been through something like this so I know that you all are my only outlet (besides the MM) to be able to freely talk about what I feel and what I’m going though. Thank you again!

  58. Wisdom Finally Realized put all my thoughts into words. “THEIR inability or perhaps even their overt inaction in staying all miered up in the dysfunction is what keeps them there and thus unavailable.” is so true.

  59. is there such a thing as a married man magnet? that is all I seem to attract?

  60. I am in love with a man that is not married but has been committed to her for 7 years they have two children together. The most confusing thing is that I have become a family friend. I take care of his children sometimes, i help him with all kinds of diffrent things. His children love me so much. The other day his girl told me that he feels like I am his best friend. She and I have become friends, in some ways to protect him. I do’nt want her to find out, she would feel decieved by both of us. Yet in the last nine months he and I have become very close. The sex is great, and he is a very sweet person. Part of me feels like I need to stop this, but my feelings are too deep. I feel like they need to be together to take care of their kids. I would not want to take all his responsibilities on. At the same time I think he and and are very in love. I think we are both confused about what to do. Getting to know her makes me even more confused. They really have a bad relationship, she can be very cruel and abusive. i am not just saying that from what he says it’s from my own observation. He does’nt seem at all like he has any intentions to leave, he would not want to be separate from his kids. She would never accept us together now that she would figure we had been together the whole time. I am frustrated that he and I never get to spend much alone time. Most of the time when we see each other the kids or her are around. I hate it because alot of time we are around each other we have to act like nothing is going on. I think my situation seems more complicated than some of the others, by how involved we have become in each others life. At this point ca’nt decide what to do. Logic tells me this is a dead end, and dangerous. My heart and every part of me wants him. I have not told him all feelings i have, ithink to protect myself. I just wonder how many other people on this site have been so involved with your lover’s family. I do’nt have anyone to talk to about this and it’s starting to drive me crazy.

  61. Hi Lady Mistress!
    Maybe I’m looking for anything that will listen to my stories without judging me. Yes, we are in the same boat. I see your page as a venue for US, this is a place where we can lick our wounds, debate to either stay or go, somewhere I can freely confess my love for him.

  62. Hello Geisha!

    Welcome to our blog site. Please feel free to write and post your experiences and feelings.

    I wish you love!

  63. after breaking it off with my mm for a day; we did get back together. He didnt let me stray too far. he called the same day and said he deserved to get the cold shoulder from me. because i felt like he was ignoring me. But its tough to be in this situation not just for me but for all those like me who are in the shadows.
    I understand that family is first…no doubt and i would never want him to leave his wife and kids for me… never that…
    so for now i am still with him and will try and ride this wave out.

  64. The wife of my partner (my MM) is currently having one of those moments…for the second time within the period of two months, she has packed her bags and dragged their daughter out of the house with the threat that my MM will never see his daughter again. The first time this episode happened (as I have written here in my previous post), my MM didn’t go after her. It was his mom who went after the wife and asked her to come back home for the sake of the little girl. During that time I was so afraid that my MM would suddenly call it quits with me because he had a sudden glimpse of what might happen in the future should he continue on with our “relationship”. But my MM stayed with me and assured me that it didn’t change anything. And maybe because I love him so deeply that I chose to believe him. Last night my MM sent me an SMS message telling me that the wife packed her bags and brought along the little girl for the second time. But this time his message was different, he said: I think this time it’s for real. My mom told me to just let it go…I don’t know what to make of his message. We still haven’t had the chance to talk because of his work schedule, but he had promised to call this afternoon. Although he has sent me a couple of SMS messages this morning to make sure that I can still feel his presence. The truth is I am scared, scared because he might have a change of heart about us because of the gravity of the situation – he said it so himself that it looks like this time things are different, it seems as if it’s real this time. I am also scared that what if because of this incident, he would choose me and that would mean a realization of my dreams – me being with him without hiding in the shadows…what if this happens and we realize in the end that things won’t be turning out the way we had hoped to be…what if the love that we are currently sharing is only because of the fact that there is excitement coming all the hiding – too many what ifs….I just want to be with him…I just want to talk to him… and as I wait for the afternoon…it seems as if I have been waiting for an eternity

  65. Hi…I am new here and happy to have found a place I feel safe telling my story. I am married as is my MM. He wants to leave his wife and says he will wait for me to leave next year when my youngest son graduates. I am skeptical about it working long term. Both of us have had previous extramarital realtionships — he left once for a woman he loved. I have had two other long term affairs during my 27 year marriage. Still, I am not sure that I can ever leave my husband. If he has ever suspected anything, he has never said a word. Much of the time, I feel that I cannot fully commit to anyone and that is why I seem to repeat this pattern. Has anyone else had serial relationships like this? My current MM & I have been seeing each other for a year. Thank you in advance for your comments.

  66. all the posts…they moved me to tears. i guess i can relate being a meantime girl/mistress myself. will share my story next time.
    this is a wonderful site. in a way, it functions as a support group. awesome.
    looking forward to interacting with you all.
    “the sky isn’t really the same when you see it alone.”

  67. We are all blessed to have found comfort through this site…to have someone to share stories, to laugh and cry with, to share frustrations and triumphs. I’m really glad to be a part of this site 🙂

  68. I am in a confusing state. I’m seeing this someone, yes he’s married (why else would i belong here, right? :). We are in the same agency, he’s with the top management, while im in the middle management division. There’s no conflict of interest, nor any pressure from him coz im not really under his direct supervision. Though he sometimes requests for my assistance in much of the work he does, coz he’s only been in the office for less than a year, in that aspect i’d say i’m more senior than him. He’s much older than I am, though. He’s twice my age, could’ve been my father really. At least that’s how I saw him at the beginning. Then one day, i found myself growing fond of him…

    Needless to say, we got closer and closer each passing day. Then we found ourselves… intimate. One day, as we were on our way home (separate homes), just the two of us in his car, he began pouring his heart out, “I thought when I reach this age… I’d be thinking of my retirement… but then you came along… I never thought I’d be in love again, this way…” Really, I was overwhelmed. Because I was in that stage that I was content with being single. I wasn’t lonely and I never longed to be in an intimate relationship. I had my son and that was that. I was happy. Or so I thought. Until that fateful moment.

    I’ve been confused, more than even. I do not know where I stand in this relationship. We’ve crossed the line. One stormy afternoon, I just got back from my trip abroad… we drove to a secluded place… and he started kissing me. And I found myself kissing him back. I felt how much he missed me, since I was out of his sight for several weeks. Now, every chance we get, we’d be kissing like crazy.

    We haven’t spoken to clear this relationship, to draw lines. Sometimes I feel bad about it. Because I don’t really know where I stand. Im on such shaky ground. Are we friends who occasionally kiss? Friends with benefits? Is he using me? Am i being strung along? Am I a spare tire? I don’t know. But I do want to know. As much as i’d like to believe that we feel the same, that we loce each other, that he in fact loves me, i cant be really sure til he assures me, til i hear if from him. I need to know. I have the right to know, yes? coz when a man enters a woman’s life, he is actually giving her the right to ask questions… and she deserves an honest answer.

  69. very interesting questions you have serendipity..but i would suggest you ask yourself those questions first.how do you feel about him?how do you see him?what are you expecting from him and this relationship?what do you want?do you want to be friends? or would you consider a relationship with him? he has already kind of hinted where he’s at- as yu mention that he poured out his heart.. did you feel that he was sincer and speaking from the heart? if you have doubts then don’t do anything.. possibly even stop the kissing until all your questions are answered and you know where you stand.it’s always nice going into something knowing exactly what it is that you are going into and whatever the consquences thereof you would be able to stand for.think about it.

  70. mel> i am grateful for your response. looking forward to hearing more from you.
    i do feel his sincerity. right from the start, he’s been honest about a lot of things. and that’s what left me perplexed… how could he not be honest now on how he truly feels for me. again, to reiterate, i just don’t want to be strung along. i know he won’t be leaving his family, and i definitely don’t want that to happen. i guess i just want to be reassured that he does love me.
    and i’m relatively new in this situation and i would appreciate the guidance from those with more experience in handling these matters.

    ~the sky isn’t really the same when you see it alone.

  71. hi all,
    its amazing to see that so many are in the same emotional conditions as mine. i am with this man for over a year. he is married with a child. my family background is too string and i come from a conservative eastern religion. i am quite well educated and how this all happen i have no clue about. i come from religious background which allows polygamy and when it all started we were sure we will get married. i never thought i will end up being the “Other woman” but now i am so madly in love with him that i cant think of anything beyond. i left my country, my family, my job and everything for him. now when it come to getting married though we are emotionally ready and religiously allowed we have problems about society as he is sure his wife wont accept me as a second wife and will demand for a divorce which will end up too badly for his young son.
    i am lost in yes and nos that should i continue or not but i just no i cant stop it. still have hope that things will be fine. he considers me as his wife and takes very good care of me but the reality is that I am NOT his wife, he buys best of the best for her and i feel like getting the remainders. he is the first man in my life whom i have slept with considering him my husband as this is what we had always dreamt of. i just wonder what will be my future in fact will there be any future. the most interesting thing is i really want to have a family and with lots of children he knows this he also wants the same but will this ever come true.
    only time can tell this. so far i am gald to find people with home i can share my thoughts with or else i always felt so lonely as in the whole world there is no one who knows about the two of us except God. and when i want to cry i end up being alone. at times i want to say so much talk about so much but have no one to talk with.

    thank you so much for this lovely blog site. i guess all that was inside for more than a year has come out and am feeling like smiling. 🙂

    i just want to say to all of you that i guess hopes and prayers might change things for us.

  72. please ignore the typographical errors in my last post

  73. Dear All,

    this is an article i wrote sometime back. which is for all of us.

    Mistress or Soul mate

    A mistress always looked down upon. A mistress a kept woman, you will never be proudly introduce me to anyone as your wife. A mistress you can never take at any public place as someone known to you might see us together. A mistress can never be a apart of family, can never have a family, no in-laws no personal nuclear family, abandoned by society a woman who can not tell people about her beloved to anyone cant walk with him hand in hand. A woman who can not call her beloved when ever she wants she has no rights over the man she loves so much. No right to ask for anything from him. A woman who has to hear about the legal woman of his man without saying anything. A woman who can not go and introduce her beloved to her family. A woman who is so complete but yet so incomplete. Filled but empty in all its (social) means. She belongs to someone but calls herself single ..cant use his name at the end of hers…Her fault is that she fell in love madly in love with a man who is married who loves her but cant marry her and therefore she ends up in becoming a mistress. If the little secret ever opens up, it’s the woman is said to be bad here, the woman who is looked down upon and said to have the bad character. No one understanding the real feelings or the relationship they had. Mary Magdalane controversial story said to be a whore or a mistress or unaccepted fact that she was a wife to Jesus. The only knot that makes you pure….the knot so badly made my human societies, the laws made by man themselves. Where is human rights? Talk about laws? And deprive some one of their freedom? Freedom to love and make them feel so bad …. Make them feel guilty and make them feel that their soul and conscious were so bad to do such a moral less thing…… moral? Laws? Who decides the morals? Who are you to tell me I am wrong? Cause of traditions? Just that I love some one makes me a mistress? Is this my fault that I met him after he got married? Emotions are not controlled, falling in love and love is blond means you are definitely falling without realizing or seeing. Has anyone mentioned Practical love? Practical love… wouldn’t that be a full flashed planned thing… oh yes! Todays theory is exactly the same you first see the whole thing and then love…..HUH!!!…. where is love in it…. Something that just happens? If you want to say that you should restrain cause it is bad seeing the circumstances then think again….restrain your love? Stop your emotions… love the strongest of all emotions… I wish I could add rationale or logic to it.. yes I fell in love with a man who is married and has a son .. we have a strong bonding with no future ahead… does that makes me a bad woman? Loving is bad? Or loving a person who is married is bad? Am I suppose to look in and out and then say yes I can fall in love with this person?? I wish someone had some answer to it. Love = God, all religions tell you the same, do have you rationales to God or a written down law or agreement that you will love god or you do it for yourself? Why have an agreement signed up called the marriage… humans talk about freedom yet get more and more suffocated every day by their own made laws and morals. This is controversial to everyone .. I will let this out it will become so controversial that I will be thrown out of the crowd. Who can tell me what I am to do? leave my love for this man …. What next? We are close but yet far away cause of society. Many are far away but close cause of society ..does that make sense? Look into your homes and tell me… am I wrong? What am I suppose to do go away cause of society and find a home in which it yet again becomes as the place where I am far away but close(d) because of society… .. god knows my heart and my wishes knows what I want is no harm … why is it that once I got close to the far away thing the things at his home became closer? Where do I fit in now? Where do I go… my love cant fade, it is true as my existence…. Why cant I have what is close to me in society way? When it is so dear to me….. oh society…. Let me out … throw me out…. I wish to be with the one I love the one who is married. Were adam and eve married? Ever saw any written bond or agreement between them? Who started the concept was it in best of human interest or worst? It just ended up in getting a person imprisoned …. Relationships are far better before getting married even if you live under same roof… once the bond is signed the pressure is so much that the relationships start falling apart with the higher degree of expectations…. Are marriages still the best in human interest? When I love the man and he loves me and we unite to have our fruit … why do we have to be ashamed of the same as an illegitimate child when it is the best fruit. And think of aborting it with the fear of society. It is a fruit of pure union…should it be nipped down because of the society laws? A wonderful union of souls gives birth to a new soul so beautiful who is the society to abandon that soul? Do souls get married? He is physically married to another woman but spiritually with me…. can I have a spiritual child from him? Will that child be illegal? Souls don’t have laws or legality they don’t have written marriages…..i wish there would be someone to throw light upon it without bringing in best practices or religions in to it as religion is what man makes it…bends so easily according to convenience…. I complete him he completes me, his wife could not give the same completeness he found in me, this is the soul mating, not every physical marriages gives that satisfaction, does that means that once signed the bond then because of society and morals you are bounded to stay with him/her when you feel emptiness inside? Divorce is there people say but its looked down upon don’t tell me that it is not … everyone knows it is… it is so much so looked down upon that people try their very best to compromise….even the celebrities….hey is not life too short to compromise… is not your right to fill the emptiness with the right soul mate? I am not saying that throw one person after another till you find the right one but sticking just cause you signed a legal bond or cause of society … does not makes sense. When you feel complete with a person and satisfied then who is law to tell you to sign a bond, you are united and nature wanted you to be united to complete the eternal union. When you find that match not so often so easily some are luckily to find it then is it wise to hold back cause of social pressure? What do you give to yourself or the legally bonded spouse of yours? Emptiness or fake fulfilness’? I wish someone would tell me what such situations leads to…social stigma.. emotional breakdowns…most of these breakdowns are caused due to SOCIAL PRESSURE not cause you are too attached to the person to let go cause if one person feels complete with someone the union has to be complete the person must feel the same or it would be a lie…. Both feel that thing of “UNITY” and “ONENESS” not the much propaganda unity as of the novels and movies but the unity of souls…eternity…the one which is only felt not described…..social bondage is so much so that the person fears after finding the completeness that what will world think if they find out…double cross, cheat, and person gets stuck in between two worlds divided in the social reality and the eternal reality…. Result cant do justice to himself … and all the time fearing will loose one or the other…. Losing the social reality will bring so much disgrace that the person can die due to emotional breakdown caused by that pressure… emotionally dead… and loosing the eternal reality is like feeling the emptiness for the rest of the life… social responsibilities come with the social realities and the responsibilities make a social binding of which loss sounds to be a big loss…..imagine an arranged marriage the person fell in “LOVE” after getting married…think about it sounds right? Well ofcourse you get binded with that person in a social bond and responsibilities making you feel so connected and depended that the affection builds itself…. You get these binding with your pets and belongings does that binding completes you? give you the feeling of eternal union? If your are left with something for long period you get attached to it … human nature… you feel need for it and get yourself connected and feel you cant do without that thing and you use the word “love” for that thing in many cases…. I love my car, I love my computer, I just love my cat…..really? do you marry them all?? Do these things complete you?? No!!.. so its not necessary the one you marry has to be the one you ETERNALLY love, or someone who completes you .….. after all marriage is a bond created by man only…. love has changed its eternal meaning over the passing years….the love is stronger than marriage bonds …. Love has got nothing to do with legality or society rules…..you love your shoes and you love your God…excuzes moi??…. Love is a deeper word which has now become a shallow 4 alphabet only…. This feeling just happens and has got nothing to do with social bonding… I repeat love has nothing to do with social laws regulations, bonds, agreements or responsibilities…. It is what you feel in presence of that person … oh please mind you do not mix this love with the physical tension you feel when you are with someone…. This tension is nothing which should make you say that I love him or her…. The way on every other date you feel like oh love him / her…. physical tension is easily mixed up with the love now a days…..

    Feeling complete with someone has the meaning that can only be defined as ecstasy.. (not physical again … in sense of sex) feeling complete is you feel no desire for anything else in the world when you are with that person… NO DESIRE FOR ANYTHING ELSE in the presence of that person…. Just being with him or her fulfils the realm, you feel a sense of Purity, sense of Wholeness… bringing in God for once that you feel God can never say wrong to this union…. Oh yes society can…cause these days society play bigger role than God, we are scared of society not God, we do things for society not God, but with that person all that you feel is God approves of it… as I feel the missing part in me is what I have found, the mystery of myself is completed in this person’s presence yes he / she is the one that completes my puzzle of life….eternal life…your soul mate is with you!! blessed are those who feel it and find this truth…….

    So I should be the victim / prey to society or should continue to feel happy in myself?

  74. By Jenn

    on being a mistress

    The pull of passion
    The lure of sin
    His muscled body
    His child-like grin
    The embraces shared
    in quiet places
    Rare time alone
    Long lonely spaces
    A band of gold
    exchanged with another;
    his partner, his mate
    his childrens mother.

  75. Hey all, I have just came across this site as I am sitting on my own, like most nights while the man that I love is at home with his wife and children, I will start from the beginning, I was their childminder and have 2 children myself, I have known both him and his wife for 3 years and been having an affair with him for 1 year. It has been awful at times, On valentines day I was due to see him, he turned up late and had been drinking with his collegues in the pub, Anyway he finally turned up and we were upstairs when we heard someone banging on my door. It was his wife.. I didnt open the door so she proceeded to climb through my kitchen window, it was awful and he had the bear face cheek to lie in front of me about how long it had been going on etc, he told her it happened 4 times, it was happening 4 times a week etc…They left together and I didnt contact him for 5 weeks, although I was hounded by him, Now I am seeing him again and his wife found out the once and they are still together, I am in a no win situation as love him soooo much I have tried to tell him its over 6 times since buts I have lasted 2 days!! I am sooo happy that I can chat to you about this as I dont know what to do anymore. I asked him a question yesterday about is love enough? He said yes it is but not for you, I said no its not and I want you, all of you, So if I want what I cant have properly then it is time to walk away as he had the chance to leave and didnt. Please help me xxxxx

  76. Wow, I have no idea how I came across this site , but Gawd it had to be fate, for I too have been having an affair with a married man, and I am married also…. let me give a bit if history…
    I met him almost 9 yrs ago on the internet… I wanst looking when we started talking and yes I was married at the time.. we talked for a while about everything, he would call me at home, and on my cell I lived for the next second I would hear from him… Then one day he said..”I wont be calling you this weekend Im getting married” Talk about crushed… I had no idea why I was crushed either again I was married and shouldnt have been talking to him in the first place.. So I waited it out for him to return to me, he did finally a couple of weeks later, but to me it wasnt the same and I silently question why he came back to talk to me, was he already not happy?…… we talked on phone and internet many time but it started being less and less, and for awhile not at all, we would go months with out contact… Every time my husband and I would get to a breaking point MM would show back up…. Since I have known him He has had 2 children, the one as recent as 2 weeks. We have always been a on and off thing until last yr. I found out my husband had an affair, and for many years we both agreed I havent loved him, and we both was unhappy … but we are still living together as husband and wife… ( he wants to work it out and im done) I had not had contact with MM for over a yr after his daughter was born, I didnt want to get him into trouble or get caught, but since WE have had almost daily contact, he has always asked if I would see him in person, I always said yes I would… He lives 12 hrs away from me… I this yr found myself driving as fast as I could to get into his town… I didnt see him until the next morning and it was like we had been meeting forever.. it was perfect, I seen him off and on for the next 5 days, he had a key and could come as he pleased…. The day it was time for me to come home, it killed me, I could see me living right there and seeing him at his convience, with no strings attached except my heart….. I left with tears and drove slow…(it took me only 10/12 hrs to get there but 2 full days to get home) I had known for yrs (even though I never believed in finding love via internet) that I did love him and wished him only the best, I have always been careful so his wife wont find out…. At first I was jelous, but relized She is his no 1, and im ok with that… we have spent many times together after we found out his wife was expecting. and Neither of us feels guilty.. ( why ask myself all the time)… When im with him I AM complete! We can talk, be together as friends.. and do things that we cant or dont do with our spouces… We are together MIND BODY AND SOUL……

    The baby has been born and I feel as much a part of the family (even though I have NEVER met his wife or children, I know so much about them and have pictures of them all…) There is never money involved, I pay my way he pays his…. I have never recieved any gifts, however I have bought for him and his children.
    The only greatest feeling in the world I feel when I lay my head down at night and only think of him or dream of him or hear his voice on the other end of phone ……….. is the moments that we can steal and be in each others arms….

    thank you for starting this site, I will be a faithful reader and may have question along the way

    So to sum it up I am in love with a MM and know that I will never have his ring on my finger or a certificate with our names on it, but I will always have the memories that we share, and his love for me(we never say I love you) I did a few times because I let my gaurd down, but love is somethign that is shared and often said to much.

    As far as me being married and me and my husband goes, He wants to work it out, and I WONT lose my children so im stuck until there out of house(7 yrs)… Divorce may be sooner.. but it will happen.

    Welcome to my world as a mistress… (am I conciderd a mistress?)
    any help or comments would be greatly welcomed…….

  77. Hi-

    I just found your web site and let me tell you that I’m grateful for it.

    I am with this MM for over 10 years. When we first met I was just 17yrs old and he was 27. He asked my age but like any stupid teen I lied about my age. Well he found out about my age due to the fact that he’s an officer. (I know I was very stupid) well when I turned 18 I told him my real age. I left to L.A. and when I came back he called me almost everyday- I didn’t want to see him- I was embarrassed that I was over weight. I guess he got tired of calling me. We stopped talking and one day I decided to call him. Well he gave me the news that he was married and that he was disgusted by all my lies. Trust me it was not just my age it was much more… Yes, I was very hurt. I called him few months after and we talked again. We see each other once in a blue moon. Last year he was going to my house more often. This year I see him when he has the time. Especially now that he is getting divorce- He e mail me something saying that he was a bitter person right now and that he was having a lot of issues at home and that he couldn’t make any promises right now. You know was the worse thing- I’m in love with him but he just CARES FOR ME… Yeah! I chose to be like this for the last 7yrs and what I get back? Nothing… I know I have to let go but I just can’t.

  78. is this still a good site to chat, I have lots of questions

  79. My father left a decent wife and five beautiful children to be with my mother. My father and mother never married but they lived happily together for over twenty years and had me and my brother.

    If your married men love you, they will endure hell and shame to be with you.

  80. can anyone from here be available online or over the phone for support? i guess we understand and each other more than anyone else can and we can provide a better support to each other….i really need a friend available to talk/chat with me.

  81. I am truly heartbroken about my break with my mm. my fault is written all over it. he still wanted to be with me until i sent a message to some 1 he had took a picture with. but i did it from a web page that i used ononimously. she told him and when he saw my page he knew it was me. i had never really told him how i felt. but i had express all my emotions on this web page. he sent me a message and said why am i doing this that he knew it was me and that he was disappointed in me.

    I felt horrible about it. i was busted!! so i waited two days and then i emailed him and i said it was me and i that i would take responsibility for my actions and that i was sorry but i would accept what ever results came from it. well he didnt respond. so i was crushed. heres the bad part i am pregnant. so i sent him a message and said i would not be talking to him so this is my last message i put i’m pregnant sorry. i left it like that and. i am pretty crushed…i need some advice or wors of encouragement please…

  82. Clueless, perhaps I can be a sounding board or a mouth piece for you. You can email me at sisgoldenhair10@aol.com. I am a compassionate soul, and a friend to any and all.

  83. I have been having an affair with a married man since July. I think of myself as his mistress, but he insists that we are just “friends with benefits.” I love him, but I will never tell him. I don’t know what I would do or say if he said that he loved me. He is the best sex I have ever had in my entire life. I don’t know why I am so lucky to have had this time with him.

    I don’t know how long we will be able to continue our affair. His wife is suspicious, and I am not the first affair he has had. I always thought that she must already know. I just hope that she does not follow him or have him followed to my house.

    I have read all the other comments on this blog, and they really resonate with me. It does help me to feel better knowing that I am not alone in these experiences and feelings.

  84. Just thinking of you all especially today … no comment needed apart from the fact that I still can’t quite belive my favourite time of year has become just something I want to get through quickly.
    I’m not playing the victim or feeling sorry for myself just surprised that life decided to show me love this way.
    Right now wishing bits of my life away and willing myself to stop and focus on me … tis hard ….

    xxxx’s Mindy

  85. I fall in-love with a married man even though I am also married I can’t help what I am feeling. We started out as friends and I did not expect it to grow into love. I should have said “NO” when he asked me to go out with him last month but that is water under the bridge.

    Now, he’s telling me that he we should stop otherwise our family will suffer and that it will ruin our friendship. I wanted to tell him that it is too late for that, I cannot be friends with him anymore because I LOVE HIM.

    I know that he’s right but I am hurting WE SHOULD STOP for the sake of our kids. I AM SO SAD…

  86. As in the etiquette for mistresses rules…the term “holiday orphan” is right on, isn’t it? So, lonely of a time when you can’t be with the one you love. More so at special times of the year that are meant to be shared.

  87. I spent my first holidays as a mistress this year. MM hates that word. He says it cheapens what we are to each other. We have only been together for 6 months.

    We are both married; him with a child he adores. I met him in my Masters program and sought each other out class after class. We both travel for business. We both have positions of authority in our respective companies. I have been married 19 years and sole supporter for 15 years. MM is 50 and has been divorced once before with a 25 year old son (Just announced MM will be Grandpa at X-mas) and married 9 (With a 9 year old of his own).

    It has slammed me like a hammer. The first thing anyone knew about me was I was married. I turned 45 this year. I cannot have sex in my marriage as my husband is no longer able for health reasons he isn’t willing to correct. I wouldn’t allow anything to happen with MM until I tried to solve the things with my husband. He deserved to know first I needed things to change. Husband laughed at me. I started the affair. Scared out of my mind and struggling with integrity issues.

    My mother just divorced in March for infidelity. I saw the pain on her face the OW caused. I don’t know his wife. And, I don’t want that look of pain for her or his daughter. I think about the hurt I could cause.

    I traveled away for 6 days on business and he was freaking out because I wasn’t communicating with him. He started to evaluate how and what he wanted from me. The relationship was phone and online only for months. He works from home and his wife does not work, but he has an office blocks from mine. He travels domestically; me internationally. We are discrete. He calls me about 3 times a day and we see each other every other week in the city. Sometimes for sex; sometimes just to have lunch, go for a walk in the park, or to meet for coffee.

    The holidays and family vacations are hard for me. We work hard at harnessing the emotions. He tells me he will never say “I love you”. He does in so many small stupid ways he doesn’t seem to realize that boat has long sailed. I don’t have any illusions he loves me though I love him. I place no demands and I occasionally don’t answer the phone when he calls. I don’t want him to think I am at his beck and call. Every day and word is a calculated game with only occasional glimpses of who we are. We are always on our best behavior courting each other.

    He has started taking more risks including putting a video in the car player and calling me with his daughter in the back. He keeps breaking our rules. He has started leaving the house to call me which is a no no. She has walked in when we are on the phone a few times.

    But, he is like a drug. I don’t know why. The sound of his voice has my whole attention. We talk, we play, and we physically love with no boundaries. But, No gifts for Christmas or my birthday, because that is not what we are for each other. He doesn’t want there to be anything material I could use to prove he cares for me if she finds out. He will deny me in a second to protect his home. He is comfortable and wants his perfect life. But, I am becoming harder to resist for him too! I keep leaving him the door and hoping he is strong enough to walk out of it for both of us.

    I am having surgery soon and he is so afraid. He wants to know if I am going to be ok. He can’t call because my family will be there and we might be separated for a month or more. The next months should be interesting.

  88. Don’t try to learn where he lives. His address, phone, or what his house looks like. It will stop you from making a fool of yourself when it ends.

  89. Just got back from a day at the beach which was suppose to be wonderful and should have been. However, I need to hear how I knew from the start he was not leaving her (I never asked him to leave, nor do I want to) just for him to acknowledge that he does really need me (which he does) He keeps on telling me I should see other people though he does not want me to. I think I should be smart for once and listen to him

  90. I’m glad to come across this site.Thanks so much Lady Mistress. God knows how anyone in my situation needs a support group/site like this to keep my sanity. I had been involved with a married man for 10 years. I have nothing but love for him. Like most of you, i didn’t imagine myself to become the other woman. I come from a conservative and loving family. I am educated, financially secure, attractive, well travelled, and relatively accomplished for a woman my age. I never lacked male admirers since I was in my teens. That’s why i also find it difficult to fathom why i am willing to dedicate my life to this man and risk the chance to live a happy and secure life.
    I met him when I was 23. He was my boss. He was handsome, smart, reserved. I was drawn to him and had an almost school girlish crush on him. He also later confessed to me that he found me attractive first time he met me on the job interview. Because we had to work long hours in the office, we found ourselves spending more time together, until one day, he told me that he was falling in love with me. I was taken by surprise of course. I was still very young and i can’t believe that he felt the same way that i feel. at first i thought he was taking advantage of me, being young and naive. But i felt his sincerity. so one thing lead to another and we started to spend more time together, sneaking out of the office and going to motels. actually, he is the first man i had been intimate with. i was a virgin.
    we would be spending all our free time from monday to friday. but weekends and holidays are off limits. Sometimes i would miss him badly and i just cry myself to sleep. i had broken up with him so many times but he always pursued me and beg me to come back. being madly in love with him, i am just all too happy to run back in his arms. the few days spent away from him during our break ups are just terrible and i can’t even get out of bed from exhaustion from crying day and night.

    i had turned down 2 marriage proposals in the past for him.

    his family lives far from him now, so we spend most of our time together. but i don’t know up to when. he says he misses his son, but he is always careful not to mention anything about his wife. he said im the only woman he is intimate with for the past 10 years. he said he can only think of me even when he is with his wife. i wanted to ask him why not leave his wife to be with me, but i thought i shouldn’t. if he wants to leave his wife, i would want that to come from him and not from me. besides it’s going to be a big scandal also because my family would surely ostracize me for being entangled into this kind of mess. also, i have a serious suitor right now who had been courting me for sometime and i am contemplating getting married with him even just to escape this heartbreaking situation that i am in. i am very confused and my heart is badly beaten already. but i love him so badly, i don’t think i can love anyone else in my life. the times we spent together are the happiness moments i had in my life. i’m glad to share a piece of my story in this blog and i am glad that that i am not alone. for those who are in this situation, i tell you it’s not easy. it is very, very painful. be prepared to cry yourself to sleep half of the time. but just thinking about the love and happiness i shared with him the past years tell me it’s worthed it. because this kind of connection i think is rarely shared by two people.

  91. i have everything but i am alone, i have love but i am lonely, i have a man but i am single, i have my moments but they dont last….i have nothing which is mine, seems like stolen or borrowed……..i feel guilty for being in love….i see nothing dont… know what to call myself….the one who has legal rights to attach his name with hers does not wants and the one who wants it so badly can not…life is funny ….i have freedom as i am single but i want commitment, those who are in commitment want freedom…i have absolutely no idea what i have started and where iam going…i just know that its the worst along with the best ………..unbelievable mixture of emotions at the same time

  92. I have made a mistake I think.

    I am the mistress to two men, currently. One is a MM that I have been seeing for just over a year and a half; we are both very pleased with the relationship that we have. There is no jealousy involved, and we can both agree that it is what it is.

    The other man is the one that I think I have made the mistake with. We had been in a relationship for 5 years, and we have a child together. He finds his way to my home several times a week to see our son, and often times, will stay the night so we can do as we please. His woman is very jealous of his tendency to remain here for however long he desires, and I think that they will probably not work out for very long as a result. He lies to her, saying that I need him there to watch our son (I do not approve of using our son as an excuse by the way), and he denies having any type of sexual relationship with me. This is a situation where he is leading a non-secret kind of double life. We have agreed that we are both still in love, and I just don’t know what to do about this one.

    With my first MM, I don’t have any issues with what he wants to do when he is not here, but with the second, I am concerned that we have the wrong types of boundaries to be successful.

    I am just confused, and not sure what to do about this one….it is a strange situation to go from being his woman to being his mistress, while always being the mother of his child.

  93. To Midlife unblind
    Good luck with the surgery- hope it goes well.

    My MM is back – well I cant say that he is for sure but we have been communicating again. It feels good talking to him- I have missed him soooooooo much. I will be meeting him for lunch or brunch tomorrow- we’ll see how that goes.

    Clueless, I totally and completely reciprocate how you feel.

    I heard something once: when you say you want a man who is loving and will take care of you – the universe does not jugde – so is it possible that you got what you wished for – even if it’s in the form of a married man? just something to think about – tell me your thoughts.

  94. Hello all the way from Australia….at long last, after much surfing of the net, I have found the website I have been searching for! A month ago, I became involved with a married man (a work colleague), and now I am starting to feel the guilts and fears and concerns big-time.
    How wonderful it has been for me to find your website, and to have the chance to talk with like-minded people, and to feel safe and comfortable that anything I say about my current situation won’t be judged negatively.
    Even though it is early days with my man, the main thing that is frustrating me is how very neglected I am feeling in this relationship. With all my previous partners (single of course) I have enjoyed as much contact as we both desire right from the start. But now with my married man a few days might pass with no contact at all, other days might be one hurried phone call, etc. etc., which to me, when a relationship is fresh and new, is just so heart-breaking and totally foreign compared to my experience with past lovers.
    What I would like to know is do you ever really get used to this feeling of being neglected??
    In the last couple of days, I have seriously contemplated ending our affair purely for this reason alone. I just feel incredibly frustrated by this lack of contact, especially when that’s all I’m craving in these heady early days of our relationship.
    Would love to hear some feedback from those who have been in longer term relationships.

  95. Try to remember Clueless that you have more control than you think …… you could stop seeing him tommorrow but are you ready for that?
    Part of me sometimes feels that I should issue an ultimatum and tell him to live with me because I absolutely adore him but you cannot tell people how to love you,all you can do is love them.
    Everyday I question myself on whether I feel I want him to be part of my life or not and the answer has always been yes so far … (even though i have talked to myself quite severely at times !!!!)
    I just realised the other day that we have been together for five years,we have grown and spend more time together than initially I would have imagined… the trouble is the more time you spend together the more it feels so right.
    You may not be in the right frame of mind to make any decisions clueless so do what feels right for you always ….

    and to Mel … yes I think it’s true,be careful what you wish for!!! maybe we get what we need and not always what we think we want.

    By the way how did brunch/dinner go … or need I ask???????????

    Mindy x

  96. thanks Mel and thanks Mindy, you both are right….

    at the moment i am scared….really really scared as he said the words…”We need to talk”….this means serious and i am nervous, every minute seems like hours …. we will meet tonight, i am feeling cold ….i do not know what exactly does this all means but i hope my worst of the nightmares does not come true…as i am not prepared for it.

  97. I’ve heard about the book Etiquette for Mistresses years ago. Never had the urge to read it until now. At this age, I was trying to look for a copy online and I stumbled upon this site.

    I’ve been a wife and a mistress in different phases in my life. I understand the sentiments of both a wife and a mistress.

    The reason why most women jump in and out of something like this is because of the need of being and feeling loved.

    Right now, I’ve been separated for about 5 yrs from someone whom I was married to for a little over a decade or so. Never really had a real relationship since the separation. A lot of mishaps along the way. A lot of potentials. But none are ready for a commitment. At least to commit to a relationship.

    I would like to share my story:

    I’m a hopeless romantic. Always waiting for the right man since the separation. But alas! Always broken hearted or taken for a ride most of the time. Tired and weary, I just practically gave up on love and relationships. (but still hoping it would find me)

    Mid last year, I met my current man online, through one of the regional forums. We started out by chasing posts. Trying to outwit each other through our posts in the forum. One time, an open invitation for a weekend get-away! I thought he wasn’t serious about the invite, so I just played along and shrugged off the invite. Little did I know that he was indeed serious about it. It was months away still. He got me so much interested in him, with his posts, his character. But I have to come to my senses that this is just a trip for him. That I may just be a companion of his during certain days of this trip of his. And yes, the thought of going on a trip with almost a complete stranger just got me more excited. Why? I’ve been living in a box for so long! That I never had fun nor thought of myself for awhile. So I just reminded myself that this is all fun for him, nothing more. That I had to detach myself from my emotions during the trip, and just have fun.

    The invite, the exchange of posts and the plan was done in the forum.. that everyone saw how things unfolded between us.

    Little did I know that he was Chinese. I became a bit apprehensive about the trip.. I’ve never had Chinese men as suitors. I’ve always had this notion that they don’t mingle with non-Chinese. More so that this guy’s married!

    The trip drew near, and I was having hesitations. Why? Maybe because I’m falling for him and I know that this is just a short stint for him, and I’ll eventually get hurt in the end when this all ends.

    One week before the trip, we met. Saw his smile. Was it the kind of smile that shows approval of what he sees? Or just a fake and pretended to be happy with what he sees. As promised and agreed, we had lunch, we went to the spa, we had dinner and coffee.. then brought him home. The most intimate thing we did was held hands! We met twice more during the week, we realized that we enjoy each other’s company that we managed to talk for hours on end..

    The day of the trip came, he went ahead and I took a later flight. It was my first time in that place. Didn’t speak the language. He treated me like a queen. His hand as my guide all the way (figuratively and literally). He never made me feel like I was the OW. Dinner with friends which he hosted. Night out with my friends and letting me dance no matter how long I was on the dance floor. A ride on a 30pax capacity boat with only me and him.. – and let me swim with the fish! Yes, he just watched me! He was just letting me be while dancing and while I was in the water! Even buying souvenirs for my children and family! There were a few questions on my mind. 1, “Why is he doing all these?” 2, ” Why me amongst the dozens of women in that forum?”. On the morning of my flight back home, a tear rolled down on my cheeks. Its time to say good bye. Its time to wake up from this dream! Needless to say, the fantasy ended and it was back to reality – with the hope that there was something special for him..as it was for me.

    I pretended that I didn’t feel anything for him and my heart just screamed all the more..

    He’s back with his family now, but we continued where we left off… It was days after when he confirmed it all.. and it wasn’t with me.. it was posted in the forum where we met.. elevating the relationship to a higher notch, he said.

    I’ve always been negative about him and this thing we had, and he satisfactorily proves otherwise.

    The adventure begins :

    But, girls, this is a long distance love affair! Still he completes me, unlike those single / separated men I’ve known and dated. He satisfies me emotionally. Though we only have a tiny window for us to communicate, that window is big enough for us to reach to each other and each other’s hearts.

    A full blown relationship – frequent meetings, dates, etc.. won’t work for me as I am a mother of 4. Got my hands tied already.

    He compliments me as I do with him. We need each other – to get that extra boost.

    How I wish that he was more “available”.. but then again, haven’t we fallen in love with our man’s character and not his marital status? With every gesture that they do is indeed an effort in itself that makes us dear to them?

    He never made promises – which I like about him. He never mentioned that I was better than his wife nor did he mention things about his wife and family. I never did ask. Nor am I interested to know.

    But also, at the same time, I keep some love for myself. Some of us may end up winners (having our men for our very selves alone or some walking away with their chin up) and some losers (empty handed – without their man nor their pride).

    This is just about me and him and the now and the immediate future. I never saw this as something long term. It may only be for a reason or a season but not a lifetime. I am living it one day at a time. Until I or he eventually gives the relationship up for whatever reason. We have also come to agreement that we’ll be burning bridges if needed – whether his side or my side.

    We girls just have to be ready.. anytime .. I just hope not that soon though..

    Good luck to all of us!

  98. The last time i wrote was july…a lot has happened since then. Me and my MW grew to levels that i could only imagine.

    There were snags and complications regarding her husband and sure, my wife too, but somehow we always find a way to see each other…sometimes even everyday..(well, mostly everyday).

    I love her…i really do.

    I have lots of things in my mind i really wanna share, but somehow my fingers refuse to type it…perhaps in time i can…

    i wish everybody love too.

  99. “we need to talk”….sounds scary and serious, guess what? it was a surprise from him to me, he had all the arrangements done, made dinner for me, and was ready with a ring waiting for me (which he kept on telling me again and again that it is just a gift not an engagement ring) well as long as its a ring!!

    well guys i guess my nightmare still has to wait for some more time before it turns for real.


  100. hi! i am doing a speech about mistresses and i came across your website 🙂 although i had fights with my father because of his mistresses. take note, mistresses, now i was able to somehow understand what a mistress really feel. I am not telling that i wouldn’t be a mistress when i grow up, because no one knows what fate i have, but i just wanna tell you all, that i am proud of you all coz you were all brave enough to stand on your own decisions in life, something i never dared to do!! even i’m in love with a man 8 years older than me 🙂 with a child but no wife 🙂

    this site was a great help for my speech! thanks!

    more power to you all!! i will be visitng this site often 🙂

    “Do what you have to do to make you happy :)”

  101. why does it i feel as though i am cheating on my MW whenever i try and make love to my wife? and it terribly hurts too when i imagine my MW doing it to her husband as well.

    the pain…it cuts deep.

  102. do we deserve a happy ending?

    tipping point….

    in the movie bridges of madison county….that rainy scene in the stoplight where meryl streep had to choose whether to get out of her husband’s truck or stay…

    in your story, did your time to choose came?…a time when you had to choose between getting out of that truck or staying…what was the tipping point in your story? are you happy with your choice?

  103. hi,

    glad to have found this website and be surrounded with people who understand and will never judge. i guess my end is nearing too no matter how much i try to deny it or fight it.

    i wish everyone love, a love we all truly deserve.


  104. been seeing my MM for more than a year now. Things got complicated when his wife found out our slide shows last december. Now its quite hard. We cannot do things we used to like out of town trips, overnight meeting etc. But he’s still the most caring, responsible and loving boyfriend. Even if he did not fulfill his promises of living with me because of the kids, we are still hopeful. Im just hurt when he do things to please his wife. it is just too tough and painful to be involved in a relationship like this. But like any other women here, even if our minds tells me to give up, it seems my heart cannot bear the thought of losing him.

  105. hi, is this site still active? just needed someone to talk to.. thanks

  106. i’ve found this blogsite when i ws just trying to look up the definition of the term mistress. i am a semi-mistress right now..i actually dont know where i am in my MMs life,but the hell i care..
    story next time.
    thanks for making such a wnderful site where we can go out in the open to express what we feel,something that’s so taboo and hidden

  107. Its definitely wont be easy being the mistress.
    However besides the pain, i am sure there is so much love. Its the mistress who can only decides if the MM is a responsible man towards her besides responsible to the family. I believe as in my situation, my MM loves me however its always hard to leave the family as his reponsbibility towards his children is always there. He wouldnt want to see the kids suffer. It doesnt mean not giving up the family means he doesnt love u. Only u can tell and feel it.

  108. his family is coming over to be with him for good. although we did not end the relationship we both know things will never be the same. it is both excruciating for us but do we have a choice? i do not know how i will deal with all of these but i am hoping that the love we have for each other can make us stay and fight for a love that is really good but really bad…

  109. Hi
    This is the first time I have visited this site. I meet my MM about 10 months ago and my world turned upside down.

    I have been married for 30 years and him for 37 years. My marriage is in serious trouble and he wants me to leave my husband – he is probably right.

    However he is considering – seriously to have me live with him and his wife – to be her friend and his lover. Wow am I blown away by this or not – you can bet your sweet life I am.

    Strangely I am considering this move – he is continually coming up with ways to tell her. He is the type of man who once is mind is made up you can be sure of the event happening.

    How would it be? Coming home to 2 women – one you have sex with and one you don’t – they haven’t had sex in a whle and if he wnts to she tells him to get it over with. There must be a problem there. Personally I think he is a great lover and passionate, kind and loving man.

    So is there anyone out there who is the mistress living in the martial home with the lover and his wife. Please let me know how you do it!!!!!

    Thanks so so so much

  110. wow a site for mitresses this is great, you need to someone to share stuff with but you can’t because it’s too risky. my first love was with a married man when i was 15 i saw him on and off between relationships of my own for about 10 years. i have in the last couple of years left my partner i had children with which didn’t end nicely and got straight into a relationship with someone who wanted to spend every spare minute of his time with me, he just suffocated me although a nice guy i had to end it. now i have met a married man again and think that nothing could suit me better, i only get the good bits and i enjoy my freedom so much that it wouldn’t interfere with anything i want to do. i don’t want to introduce yet another man into my childrens life but would like the attention myself, am i being very selfish? i genuinly like this man just don’t want him full time. i haven’t actually got physical with this man yet as we are just at the texting stage so there is still time for either one of us to back out, but i’m not sure i want to!

  111. I’ve been involved with my MM for 8 months now and I can’t believe I didn’t find this sooner!! Things are just beginning to get physical. At first it was just talking and now it has escalated. Any time now it will become sexual as well as emotional. I’m scared while we’re in the middle of it all i’ll be able to think about is him going home and “loving” his wife the same way he just loved me. We’ve tried to end it so many times but it never works. It’s become almost a joke now when one of us says we need to stop. I don’t know which one’s worse…ending things before the “big event” or just fucking and feeling so much guilt. But then again maybe I can ignore my conscience and just go with it. Anyway this is an awesome deal! I’m so glad to have other people to relate with!

  112. I am trying to end my relationship with my MM, again. I think he now has another
    girlfriend, as well as his wife – and am heart broken. Why is it I ever thought he “wouldn’t” lie to me, when he can his wife of 13 years – I don’t know!!! This hurts more than all the other stuff….
    I have spent a few weeks asking him to leave his wife, (to spur me into seeing him for what he is) rather than the blind love I have for him at the minute…. and of course he says he can’t in the short term due to financial reasons (he has no kids) … If he loves me why why why won’t he just leave her??????!!!……..

  113. my roller coaster ride has already…im still on it. every relationship like these ones we have, soon finds it way to the spouses…its up to us to decide which way to go afterwards.

    i cannot say which of which i am, because i am a MM with a MW as a lover. so you see, i am my MW’s lover too.

    the emotions pouring on this is strong enough to power a whole city, and im sure you guys understand how hard and painful it is.

    im in my crossroad now…

    with everything thats happening…who deserves to be happy?

  114. hi Everyone,
    well my life is still the same…he is going for vacations with his family, it hurts when you know that you wont be at his side and his wife will be there while you will be just counting days for his return.

    and when he will be back will tell you the storeis that how much fun it was….all he has to say to make me feel good and remove his guilt is that i am going for my child not for myself…so its a period for me…

    well you can not expect more than this when you are just a second woman.

    ~ peace and luv (strength)

  115. i am tired really really tired living in hiding…
    its never the right time for him to discuss about us and i am it never will be….

    i feel left out and alone .. another weekend all alone…

    i want to end this though in know it means ending my life cause of the pain …but i in pain even now….

    i am lost and tired running away from realities…bravo to you all but i cant take this anymore its killing me inside….i always have a smile for not to hurt his feelings but i am half dead myself…

    almost 3 years now and the same promises all will be fine…time is ticking….my life is on a stop…i want to have a family , i want a man who does not have to hide my relationship with me…

    but i wont be able to love the same way ever again…

  116. i left my wife and daughter for her…i dont know if she can leave her husband. she’s telling me yes, but her actions tell otherwise.

    im a bit lost now. sad more than ever…what do i do? do i deserve to be happy?

  117. Dear Jean,

    i am glad to see some moment here. in my last post i had mentioned i will leave him but things are still the same.

    i could not…i just could not, its not easy to leave your family, i am sure you must be going though a tough time….

    hope she gets the same strength and comes to you. and i hope my man get the strength as you.


  118. I left my family for her, and she left her husband for me. we’re together now, slowly moving on. we’re steadily opening up to the world, and surprisingly, many have been understanding.

    this not gonna be easy, but after what we both have been through, its all worth a try.

    this site has made me strong. thank you


  119. i am happy to hear abt you Jean.
    i wish my mans gets the strength, chances are low, he just loves his public image too much.

    i think i am too tired now and will give up soon

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