Where is my next destination?

My heart! –

I don’t want to be hypocrite and pretend I am not hurting, I am! I am hurting. I knew from the start that we were bound to end sooner or later, in our case 3 happy years later. However, I am still having difficulty moving on because there are a lot of questions left unanswered and there are a lot of feelings left unresolved. Knowing me I need answers, I need resolutions! I need it bad!

I must admit that I still love him and how’d I wish I stayed within my boundaries of just loving him and not loving him too much. I should have taken his advise of loving him less and loving my self more.. well sometimes (most of the time) I am stubborn. Like right now, I know that I would benefit more from our separation and that it is for my own good more than his BUT I refuse to see that that I’ve compromised my love of self. At this point I asked my self ‘Why?’ and my heart tells me only 2 reasons ‘1) I love him and 2) I don’t want to see his family, his friends and other woman getting hurt (more or less) like I am now’.

The three years that we’ve been together were so beautiful and I want it to stay that way in my heart and mind. This is why I must be strong before he treats me any worst. I would rather be remembered badly for loving too much than hurting the person I love.

He said this once to me and I will say it back to him “thank you for loving me, wanting me and making me feel happy!”

My heart is my next destination.

Published in: on November 19, 2007 at 5:18 pm  Comments (14)  

Emotional Responsibility

Because I love my MM I am emotionaly responsible to him. I feel happy when he is happy, we celebrate! I listen and comfort him when he feels depressed. I am his cheerleader when he feels like giving up. I encourage him to pursue his interests. I find a solution for his problems when he cannot and, if not the least, I fulfill his sexual needs.

I do this selflessly. I make sure he knows I love him.

But do I expect the same things when I NEED them? YES! – I am a mistress but it does not mean I don’t have feelings and it does not mean that he is not emotionaly responsible to me.

In our relationship our usual issue, which has been a cause of our breakups, was his inability to acknowledge my emotional needs. I do not ask anything from him except for him to show his love and care whenever I need it most. Is it too much to ask?

At this point of our relationship I admit that I am insecure and I need an assurance from him, always!

Published in: on September 12, 2007 at 6:15 pm  Comments (16)  

Mistress meets the Wife and Son

Meeting my MM’s wife came in to early in the relationship. We were just on our 8th month when an expected but very painful lost happened. However unfortunate, that paved the way of my meeting everyone in his life including his wife.

I knew better. I knew who I am in his life, I knew where I stand and I knew I wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize our separate lives. So when I went, I came with our common friends and my best friend who is the only person who knows about us for support just in case.

However prepared I was, I still felt so nervous even if I psyched myself that I am a friend and I should not be affected or react to whatever might happen or whoever was there. That was why I’m relived that it was only MM and his sister who were there that morning, yet.

MM and I were in constant communication and knowing everything that happened/is happening made me feel more for him and his lost as if I lost a”real”father-in-law.

Although I was successful being in my behavior trying not to give any hints that MM and I have something going on, I still can’t help but feel the ackwardness in the air. Specially when all of a sudden MM’s wife came in with her side of the family, mom, sisters and MM’s son.

MM greeted his wife with a smack on the lips which I think was just right but I cannot deny that I felt jealous and there was a tiny ouch I felt in my heart but still I remained composed and instead focused my attention to his son who was playing with his toy car.

MM’s son looks very much like his father. He has a lovable face and sweet pouting lips I can’t help but smile seeing him in person.

Then it was time for us to go. I came up to his father and said my prayers when MM’s son grabbed my hand and gestured that I carry him, with MM beside us with a smile on his face.

I love kids specially when the kid is by loving MM’s only son. So when he, son, gestured that I carry him by all means I did and as soon as I lifted him he immediately embraced me put his head on my shoulders and rubbed my back/sqeeze my arms as if saying he approves of me and that he knew I genuinely love his father (all of these with MM beside us, his wife and God knows everyone is looking probably including MM’s father). Despite the ackwardness I felt great more so when MM told me and everyone else that his son rarely go with/to others and that his son might have liked me a lot to even ask me to carry him.

I can say that it was a pleasant meeting them, MM’s sister, in-laws, wife and son. I must also say that I’m proud to have seen his father too, may he rest in peace.

– To fellow mistresses, have you ever met your MM’s wife?

I wish you love!

Published in: on August 9, 2007 at 6:45 am  Comments (10)  

last minute emergency

I’ve just finished a 20 minute phone call with Mr. Married Man. He was checking up on me, on how I am and how my weekend is since we didn’t see each other this weekend as previously planned.

Mr. Married Man on his own words said “I miss you being near (referring to my house) for last minute emergency”. I was like what? he just needs me for emergency? BUT I knew what he mean. All the lying to his wife, family and friends is taking a stall on him, he can’t keep up to it. I really don’t know how to respond to it but say “I’m sorry”.

Published in: on July 8, 2007 at 7:42 am  Comments (4)  

Quench my thirsts

I must say that Mr. Married Man and I are soooo compatible in bed. I always mark my pocket calendar of the days we make love and I must say that sex is getting better and better. To attest to it are my pocket calendars, I have 3 – one for each year of our relationship.

Contrary to what other people say that sex will be less often as the first year of the relationship, ours is different. I count and compare the times we have sex per month per year and gosh we are really getting better hhmmm best in”it”.

Once we went out of town with common friends who do not have a clue about our relationship. During the ride home we were texting each other “I want you” and since we haven’t made love for couple of days we were so excited to get back home. As usual we made an excuse to take a cab together as we live 20 minutes apart but we didn’t as you know went home. We went straight to “the place” were we made great love.

He quenched my thirst for him..

Published in: on June 4, 2007 at 5:21 am  Comments (5)  

No. 1, No. 2 and No. 3

No. 1 is the wife.

No. 2 is the mistress, which I am.

No. 3 is the woman who now makes him happy as I, like No. 1, does not interest him anymore. This girl is now the woman you once were. Vibrant, exciting, no-emotional baggage, non-demanding etc. This is now the woman he lies for with you. This is the woman you want to be again but its too late as you’ve now became No. 1 in essence without knowing it.

You are now the woman who chose to be content with the very little time he wants to spend with you as he has just added one agenda on his list of family, work, friends, interest, No. 3 and No. 2. (in order).

I guess the question is “How can you be No. 3 while being No. 2?”

Published in: on May 27, 2007 at 10:14 pm  Comments (6)  

Saving all my love for you

This is one of the first songs I knew was very applicable to me.. there are a lot more songs all-throughout our relationship that I compiled and will uploade here one of these days..

by: Whitney Houston

A few stolen moments is all that we share
You’ve got your family, and they need you there
Though I’ve tried to resist, being last on your list
But no other man’s gonna do
So I’m saving all my love for you

It’s not very easy, living all alone
My friends try and tell me, find a man of my own
But each time I try, I just break down and cry
Cause I’d rather be home feeling blue
So I’m saving all my love for you

You used to tell me we’d run away together
Love gives you the right to be free
You said be patient, just wait a little longer
But that’s just an old fantasy

I’ve got to get ready, just a few minutes more
Gonna get that old feeling when you walk through that door
Cause tonight is the night, for feeling alright
We’ll be making love the whole night through
So I’m saving all my love
Yes I’m saving all my love
Yes I’m saving all my love for you

No other woman, is gonna love you more
Cause tonight is the night, that I’m feeling alright
We’ll be making love the whole night through
So I’m saving all my love
Yeah I’m saving all my lovin
Yes I’m saving all my love for you
For you, for you

Published in: on May 26, 2007 at 9:29 am  Comments (1)  

To demand? or Not to demand?

We decided to part ways, again, when we realized that we are demanding to much from each other. That is, I wanted him to be emotionally responsible and Mr. Married Man wanted me to need him less.In a normal relationship, lovers have the right to demand.

In a normal relationship a man should be emotionally responsible. In a normal relationship a man cannot ask a woman to need him less. BUT normal is not the kind of relationship we have and these kinds of demands are not allowed. In the first place we should not demand from our married partner, we should know better. We may however stress our point why, in my case, need him to be emotionally responsible WHEN I need him to, but we should be ready for what ever his response may be.

Remember that wives demand and mistresses demand less.

Published in: on May 3, 2007 at 10:48 pm  Comments (1)  

Etiquette for Mistresses

Etiquette for Mistresses.. and what wives can learn from them     by: Julie Yap-Daza

Allow me to share to you the following etiquettes for us mistresses:

1) Mistress is not Mrs. Know you place.
No.2 is not No.1, and ne’er the twain shall meet. And they better not.

2) Even if he tells you he loves you more than his wife, don’t let that go to your head.
As a rule, men are liars.

3) Mistresses should be ready to give up Valentine’s Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, Holy Week and his birthday.
Mistresses are also called “holiday orphans,”…

4) Be friend his secretary but avoid all contact with his driver.
Unless your married man is carrying on with his secretary, she can be an invaluable asses in your relations or relationship with him-relations as in sex, relationship as in a working or living arrangement.

5) As tempting as it seems, don’t patronize the wife’s beauty parlor, jewelry shop, dress shop, or father confessor.

6) DON’T CALL HIM, WAIT FR HIM TO CALL.

7) To be seen with him in public once is risky. The second time could be fatal to one of you. The third time is The End for both of you.
Love is lovelier when it’s forbidden. Because it’s forbidden it’s supposed to be hidden.

8 ) Never believe, and never say anything unfriendly about his wife, not even after he recites a litany of her faults.
Sooner or later, some mistresses feel so loved that they begin to think f the wife as the other woman.

9) Mistresses are kept bu rich men. But a mistress who is a woman of substance and independent means is better. (Translation: Don’t ask him for money.)

10) Be discreet. (Make sure he is not the type to talk in his sleep.)
There is no fool like a fool in love.

11) Never travel together.
Accidents will always happen.

12) When he breaks a date, charge it to fate, not his fecklessness.

13) Wives have their own networks of spies and amigas. It is helpful for the mistress to have her own. A chaperone is not a good idea, however. (Chaperones are passe. Besides, they talk.)
Because of her position and location in the underground, the mistress is a lonely woman.

14) Mistresses don’t complain.
They shouldn’t. It’s the wives, according to their husbands, who are always complaining.”

15) Being No.2, the mistress tries harder.
At the end of the day (night), she goes home without him. Or he goes home without her with a higher value that when they met yesterday.

16) Send him home as soon as it becomes apparent that he’s overstaying.
What do men do after sex? According to conventional wisdom 10% smoke, 20% fall asleep, and 70% go home to the wife.

17) It is practical for a mistress to be linked to anther man, preferably her lover’s friend.
In the age of the liberated woman, who needs a chaperone? Ah, maybe not, but she needs a beard.

18) If he is a public man and you’re thinking of staging an accident of running into him, think: How many accidents can I pull off in one month?
Its womans nature to want to be loved and be seen as being loved.

19) Don’t make unnecessary enemies of his children.
If you listen to mistresses and their stories, the world is full of love and short on loving.

20) Remind him to pay for everything in cash – dinner, flowers, perfume, champagne, pearls, diamonds, a microwave oven, etc.
In God we trust but pay in cash you must.

21) Don’t use tears as a weapon. He’s probably had enough of that from the Mrs.
Wives nag. Wives cry. If only for that reason, a mistress doesn’t use tears to get what she wants.

22) Resist the urge to be found out.
For every action, the laws of nature decree an equal and opposite reaction.

23) Perish all thought that someday you’ll be No. 1
One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry. – Oscar Wilde

24) Married men who keep mistresses don’t like surprises, as a rule.

25) A man with a mistress leads a double life, his mistress only half life. Cheer up! A career will make you whole.
Life in the modern world has put women on an equal footing with men. There is nothing a man can do that a woman cannot.

26) Resist the urge to shower him with gifts. Evidence, evidence…!
Love is not love until it is expressed.

27) When in doubt, disappear.

28) When all else fails, leave him.
Some mistresses make it; more do not.

Now our question is: IF THERE WOULD BE A 29th RULE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?WHAT IS THE 29th ETIQUETTE SHOULD BE? (post your reply here)

– Thanks to Julie Yap-Daza and those stories they’ve shared in the book. Best Wishes!

Published in: on April 28, 2007 at 2:48 am  Comments (6)  

Is it love or lust?

When we started our relationship three (3) years ago I asked my self..

“Why am I in this relationship?” “Why am I a mistress?”

“Is it because of love or lust?”

I was introduced to Mr. Married Man by a friend and although I find him attractive and smart I also find him very weired. He does a funny laugh and wears an outdated accessory.

I grew attraction to him as I find him very easy to talk with until he casually dropped the bomb and said he is married and just had a kid.

I was surprised or more likely disappointed and ashamed, thinking I might just have a boyfriend in him, but I didn’t show any emotion so as not to imply I’m interested in him, a Married Man.

That might have been our last conversation because I chose to distance my self and brush off a budding feeling of attraction for him UNTIL we attended a party, had a couple of drinks, flirted, he pursued me and everything as they say is history.

We spend time together more often. We would talk and laugh endlessly. We would go to restaurants. We would exchange glances and say our hi’s, hello’s and goodbyes. All of these we do very discretely as we were surrounded by friends.

Our feelings grew stronger as we find that we compliment each other. We were like soul mates.

I have fallen in love with Mr. Married Man even it was was against my values and principles. It was not a relationship that I would even imagine to have wanted. I can’t explain it but it just happened. We can’t help it as we were like opposite magnet poles closing in together.

Then we finally did. When we both couldn’t resist it anymore after a few weeks of “dating” we locked lips together. That first kiss was the start of all passionate and intense kisses and more.

Needless to say we also compliment each other sexually.

Going back to the question “Is it because of love or lust?”

I’d say it is more LOVE than LUST, as lust is just incidental to love.

Published in: on April 27, 2007 at 5:18 pm  Comments (7)