Where is my next destination?

My heart! –

I don’t want to be hypocrite and pretend I am not hurting, I am! I am hurting. I knew from the start that we were bound to end sooner or later, in our case 3 happy years later. However, I am still having difficulty moving on because there are a lot of questions left unanswered and there are a lot of feelings left unresolved. Knowing me I need answers, I need resolutions! I need it bad!

I must admit that I still love him and how’d I wish I stayed within my boundaries of just loving him and not loving him too much. I should have taken his advise of loving him less and loving my self more.. well sometimes (most of the time) I am stubborn. Like right now, I know that I would benefit more from our separation and that it is for my own good more than his BUT I refuse to see that that I’ve compromised my love of self. At this point I asked my self ‘Why?’ and my heart tells me only 2 reasons ‘1) I love him and 2) I don’t want to see his family, his friends and other woman getting hurt (more or less) like I am now’.

The three years that we’ve been together were so beautiful and I want it to stay that way in my heart and mind. This is why I must be strong before he treats me any worst. I would rather be remembered badly for loving too much than hurting the person I love.

He said this once to me and I will say it back to him “thank you for loving me, wanting me and making me feel happy!”

My heart is my next destination.

Published in: on November 19, 2007 at 5:18 pm  Comments (14)  

Emotional Responsibility

Because I love my MM I am emotionaly responsible to him. I feel happy when he is happy, we celebrate! I listen and comfort him when he feels depressed. I am his cheerleader when he feels like giving up. I encourage him to pursue his interests. I find a solution for his problems when he cannot and, if not the least, I fulfill his sexual needs.

I do this selflessly. I make sure he knows I love him.

But do I expect the same things when I NEED them? YES! – I am a mistress but it does not mean I don’t have feelings and it does not mean that he is not emotionaly responsible to me.

In our relationship our usual issue, which has been a cause of our breakups, was his inability to acknowledge my emotional needs. I do not ask anything from him except for him to show his love and care whenever I need it most. Is it too much to ask?

At this point of our relationship I admit that I am insecure and I need an assurance from him, always!

Published in: on September 12, 2007 at 6:15 pm  Comments (16)  

Mistress meets the Wife and Son

Meeting my MM’s wife came in to early in the relationship. We were just on our 8th month when an expected but very painful lost happened. However unfortunate, that paved the way of my meeting everyone in his life including his wife.

I knew better. I knew who I am in his life, I knew where I stand and I knew I wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize our separate lives. So when I went, I came with our common friends and my best friend who is the only person who knows about us for support just in case.

However prepared I was, I still felt so nervous even if I psyched myself that I am a friend and I should not be affected or react to whatever might happen or whoever was there. That was why I’m relived that it was only MM and his sister who were there that morning, yet.

MM and I were in constant communication and knowing everything that happened/is happening made me feel more for him and his lost as if I lost a”real”father-in-law.

Although I was successful being in my behavior trying not to give any hints that MM and I have something going on, I still can’t help but feel the ackwardness in the air. Specially when all of a sudden MM’s wife came in with her side of the family, mom, sisters and MM’s son.

MM greeted his wife with a smack on the lips which I think was just right but I cannot deny that I felt jealous and there was a tiny ouch I felt in my heart but still I remained composed and instead focused my attention to his son who was playing with his toy car.

MM’s son looks very much like his father. He has a lovable face and sweet pouting lips I can’t help but smile seeing him in person.

Then it was time for us to go. I came up to his father and said my prayers when MM’s son grabbed my hand and gestured that I carry him, with MM beside us with a smile on his face.

I love kids specially when the kid is by loving MM’s only son. So when he, son, gestured that I carry him by all means I did and as soon as I lifted him he immediately embraced me put his head on my shoulders and rubbed my back/sqeeze my arms as if saying he approves of me and that he knew I genuinely love his father (all of these with MM beside us, his wife and God knows everyone is looking probably including MM’s father). Despite the ackwardness I felt great more so when MM told me and everyone else that his son rarely go with/to others and that his son might have liked me a lot to even ask me to carry him.

I can say that it was a pleasant meeting them, MM’s sister, in-laws, wife and son. I must also say that I’m proud to have seen his father too, may he rest in peace.

– To fellow mistresses, have you ever met your MM’s wife?

I wish you love!

Published in: on August 9, 2007 at 6:45 am  Comments (10)  

Quench my thirsts

I must say that Mr. Married Man and I are soooo compatible in bed. I always mark my pocket calendar of the days we make love and I must say that sex is getting better and better. To attest to it are my pocket calendars, I have 3 – one for each year of our relationship.

Contrary to what other people say that sex will be less often as the first year of the relationship, ours is different. I count and compare the times we have sex per month per year and gosh we are really getting better hhmmm best in”it”.

Once we went out of town with common friends who do not have a clue about our relationship. During the ride home we were texting each other “I want you” and since we haven’t made love for couple of days we were so excited to get back home. As usual we made an excuse to take a cab together as we live 20 minutes apart but we didn’t as you know went home. We went straight to “the place” were we made great love.

He quenched my thirst for him..

Published in: on June 4, 2007 at 5:21 am  Comments (5)