Where is my next destination?

My heart! –

I don’t want to be hypocrite and pretend I am not hurting, I am! I am hurting. I knew from the start that we were bound to end sooner or later, in our case 3 happy years later. However, I am still having difficulty moving on because there are a lot of questions left unanswered and there are a lot of feelings left unresolved. Knowing me I need answers, I need resolutions! I need it bad!

I must admit that I still love him and how’d I wish I stayed within my boundaries of just loving him and not loving him too much. I should have taken his advise of loving him less and loving my self more.. well sometimes (most of the time) I am stubborn. Like right now, I know that I would benefit more from our separation and that it is for my own good more than his BUT I refuse to see that that I’ve compromised my love of self. At this point I asked my self ‘Why?’ and my heart tells me only 2 reasons ‘1) I love him and 2) I don’t want to see his family, his friends and other woman getting hurt (more or less) like I am now’.

The three years that we’ve been together were so beautiful and I want it to stay that way in my heart and mind. This is why I must be strong before he treats me any worst. I would rather be remembered badly for loving too much than hurting the person I love.

He said this once to me and I will say it back to him “thank you for loving me, wanting me and making me feel happy!”

My heart is my next destination.

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Published in: on November 19, 2007 at 5:18 pm  Comments (14)  

No. 1, No. 2 and No. 3

No. 1 is the wife.

No. 2 is the mistress, which I am.

No. 3 is the woman who now makes him happy as I, like No. 1, does not interest him anymore. This girl is now the woman you once were. Vibrant, exciting, no-emotional baggage, non-demanding etc. This is now the woman he lies for with you. This is the woman you want to be again but its too late as you’ve now became No. 1 in essence without knowing it.

You are now the woman who chose to be content with the very little time he wants to spend with you as he has just added one agenda on his list of family, work, friends, interest, No. 3 and No. 2. (in order).

I guess the question is “How can you be No. 3 while being No. 2?”

Published in: on May 27, 2007 at 10:14 pm  Comments (6)  

You don’t trust me..

Our biggest issue is TRUST.

I have to admit that I trust him less because I feel that if he can lie to his wife why can he not lie to me?

Why can he not lie about where he really is at night, or day, when he is not with me?

Why can he not lie about who he’s with?

Why can he not lie about flirting with others?

Why can he not lie about who is flirting with him?

He has been used to lying. I, a mistress, contributes to his being almost perfect with it and that is my issue. Is he also lying to me?

Published in: on May 27, 2007 at 9:26 am  Comments (8)